Pariah (The Frog Cliche, part II)

As a kid I always thought I was different and special! I lived it! Even though I had many interests and hobbies, I could never be a part of any group and just never fit in.
I skated but probably because I never got good at it and was always a bit scared to try the hard tricks, I was never close to the skaters.
I was one of the best on my swimming team, but hanging out with those kids was never fun to me.
I played in a hardcore band, but never liked to be with the hardcore kids, since all they did was drink and gossip and that just wasn’t me.
In school I was the only one in my grade with long hair and I thought I had many friends, but we were all outsiders, until everyone found a place to fit in, but me. When I shaved my long hair off and kept a Krishna style braid on the back of my head, people looked at me like I was from another planet. One of my teachers actually called me “Babylon 5”.
I’d been into boy scouts and was the only one who took it seriously, so there I became the troop leader, just because once again I couldn’t be one of the rest.
Today at work I am what Americans love to call “European”. To them this word means weird, crazy and often inferior and is generally used in a demeaning way.
For all these reasons, I always considered myself to be different. And I never cared, and I never minded it. It made me proud. People could hate me or like me as much as they wanted. Sometimes, to this day, I don’t understand why some people have a problem with me, but I like it, because it only shows how shallow they are – hating someone they don’t even know. And why do people ever base their perception of others on common belief? What is it with hating others for being different? This is a classic example of primitive animal or generally kids’ behavior. “Kill the misfits!”
Back in college, studying psychology, I experimented with this behavior a bit more. If everyone hated someone, chances were I’d go and try to get to know them better, just to see what the hell the problem was. And most of the time I couldn’t find it. People’s hatred was based completely on prejudice and the attempt to fit in the general gossip line.
The word that matches my profile the most is: “pariah”. I love it! Never in my life have I thought that to live an awesome life you have to fit in! On the contrary, I think most people who do, are miserable in their standard lives of total submission…”the masses”.
…or are they?
And am I all that different?
I was running late for work today. And every time I get there past 4pm, I see countless short Mexican women racing down the corridor, screaming and shoving each other like an endless flock of black and white chicken. These horrible, loud little creatures are the hotel’s “housekeeping team members” (don’t even get me started on the title “team members”. I certainly will get to that some day). Just like in a chicken farm, all the chicken look exactly the same to you, that’s how I feel every time I’m late and swimming in that sea of running dodos – birds that have given up flying, because it takes too much energy. Every one of them had the potential to be different, to soar above the templates, the expectations, the limits, but they all chose to be the least they could.
And I’ve always felt so different and special amongst them, disgusted with their foolishness.
But today I wondered what would happen if you put me in that faceless herd of slaves? Am I really going to stand out? The social pressure predetermines so much of one’s life that it’s almost impossible to stray from the classic outlines and I fit right in the middle-class description. Disgusting!
The only sigh of slight relief that unburdens my shoulders is the same thought that I shared with you a few days ago. “It’s not about being different. It’s about making a difference.” And that I am determined to do! I hope I’m fortunate enough to show the world that I exist for a reason. There’s a lot inside of me that I must share. I want to leave a mark! Even if it’s a spit in the face of this nasty, hypocritical, sick society! My job may try to make me faceless, and I might appear just like an average Joe on the surface, but “my heart keeps on boiling until I have reached the end” (BFH)!
I refuse to give up flying!