When a Quitter Means a Winner!

I wonder how it feels...Alex quit her cocktailing job today! She's officially waiter-free now. She did go through a year of abstinence, and we even had a brief moment of near-remission, but she made it clean to the other side!

How amazing must the feeling be to "fire your boss" and say on the "resignation paper" that you're quitting, because you were extremely dissatisfied!

This just makes me think...sometimes no amount of money can justify your misery. She always used to tell me this when she went to work: "Every day that I devote to this job, a little peace of my heart chips away"...oh, how do I know that feeling, and even though the tables have turned quite a bit these days, and the money I make not only satisfies me, but forces me to be happy when I have a shift, (because of the "Father thing")...I still think of the waste of energy and talent I could have used to do something I love...I still think of the humiliation and obedience and pray to God that the day comes when I too will pass the table-waiting abstinence test! I'm not ready for that yet, though! I'm still too weak to face the wasteland the crash of the economy left us in.

For  the second time in my life I see how all of my savings melts away. The first time was at the burst of communism, when all the money from all my scholarships and my birthdays melted away with hyper-inflation, so at the end, instead of buying myself an apartment, I bought a train ticket, to go to Sofia and go to college there. It sucked! And it sucks again! But all this "complaining" shouldn't turn you off and lead you to the conclusion that I am on the edge of despair!

Haha, I cannot summon it in words - a  loving, gorgeous, smart wife, who is now taking her first steps in the professional psychology field, a beautiful playful, funny and emotionally intelligent son (I don't know about the rest yet) and all the music I've ever wanted to own! Throw in a great reading audience and I'm set! ;)

So, the choices we make are our own! At any given time we have the freedom to change things! If we don't do it, we just deny our own freedom, but do not forget: If we do not change, that means we do benefit from our present! The only thing left to do is measure our hearts and see if they are big enough, to be able to take all the chipped pieces. I feel like my heart's big enough! There's a lot more these hands will write!

The deepest love and respect to you Alka! I'm proud you took the first step to salvation!