MOMENTARY LAPSES

When I was sixteen I wrote many songs. I remembered this one today:

FOR A MOMENT

And so it stabbed me!
It stabbed me again!
It occupied my mind,
I felt the disdain.

I’ve been so blind,
But now it has opened my eyes.
The truth gave birth to a lie,
Darkness abolished the light.

The light was too bright,
My mind was too right,
I’d never forget what was inside!
The light was too bright,
My mind was too right,
I’d never forget the fight!

I wanna keep it alive!
I won’t let it just die!
Compassion and love must survive,
Even if I am the only to fight!

But rivers flow,
We watch them go,
They wash away all our hopes.
And soon we forget
Of our painful regret
Deny what we have said.

I won’t forget!
My mind will not suffocate!
My blood will never stop boiling,
Until I have reached the end!

As a kid I had this idea, that every time you experience something, you learn something new and never make the same mistake again. I just thought that humans are smart enough to change and better themselves. But I came to find out I was wrong.

Even as I entered the adult world, I keep shedding my hopes and ideas one by one. Neitzchse said it best “every day try to get rid of one illusion about yourself”. Things often shutter me! I get all wired up and inspired and decide I want to do something about it. I feel so powerful and charged with excitement and then time and mundane-ness eats everything away. Slowly gnawing at my quest for a better me…

I saw “Bowling for Columbine” by Michael Moore for the second time today. And I remembered how shaken I was by it the first time I saw it, years ago. It had provoked me want to do something. Something drastic. Change something. But all I did was to forget. And who am I to blame all the people that saw it, saw the blatant actions of individuals, the propaganda that we are constantly fed, the mind-numbing media world that keeps us pushing the wheel, can I really blame them that nothing has changed? I honestly don’t think that anything can be done. I don’t believe that we have the power to change anything we dislike.

Alex read a research one of these days that said that we, humans, tend to return to our comfort zone or to the same “levels of happiness”, no matter what shakes us-good and bad. That means that we are slaves of our own mind. Hardly ever do we get “derailed” enough, to take action.

There are so many mind-blowing movies. Like Zeitgeist, like Planet in Peril, An Inconvenient Truth, Baraka and even Religulous… movies, that can shake you to the core, that should be powerful enough to send shockwaves all through the US, but it seems like nothing ever makes any difference.

So, as I walk towards my comfortable bed tonight and take off my slippers, I’m just going to ask myself if there is anything I can do, to make myself a more “active” person, more involved, more dedicated to a bigger reason. Because, maybe, just maybe we don’t all HAVE TO be slaves all the time!