It's a "Father" Thing...You Wouldn't Understand

Seems like, since the dawn of humanity, the roles between men and women have been divided. The women stayed home to watch the kids and men went to hunt and fight, so they could provide for their family. Naturally, this behavior, practiced for thousands of years, has become a kind of instinct that affects people to this day.
I see Alex, in her 100% role as a mom, devoted, caring and loving, extra sensitive and precautious. I too am relentlessly haunted by the ghosts of the man’s well ingrained role – to provide for them. I am now in charge of their well being, of their ability to be well fed and dressed today and tomorrow. It’s a great responsibility I feel, that I have to take care not just of myself, but of two other human beings.

This is an unfamiliar feeling.

It was just yesterday when I was screaming on stage with my band, riding my skateboard and sleeping on people’s floor, just because I wanted to travel and it didn’t matter where I’d stay, what I’d wear or eat. I’ve slept in hostels, tents, friend’s houses, huts, trains, train stations, busses, boats, beaches, camps, basements, attics…and it never mattered.

Now that’s changed. I can’t just go anywhere, not knowing where I can put my family to sleep, where it will be warm, quiet and comfortable. I am sure, that they can put up with many harsh conditions, but I just don’t want to allow them to. I don’t want them to just eat any food, but good, healthy food. I want them to have nice clothes, “things” and experiences. Possibly it doesn’t matter all that much to them, but it matters to me and this increases my stress levels.

Had things been more “normal”, had our lives had to deal with just the stress of learning how to be parents, I assume it would have been much easier. But it’s not. Seems like it’s true that “when it rains, it pours”. The American economy had to go to hell the moment Sami was born! No, it couldn’t hurry, or wait a bit! It had to be now!

So, there goes my level of security! All at the same time we had a baby, the economy crashed, my wife stopped working and I can barely get a shift these days. Why all at the same time???

I’ve been thinking all this to myself all day, ever since I got the phone call not to go to work today, because it’s so slow, they won’t need me. Even if it wasn’t for that damn responsibility that settled in my heart, I’d still be freaking out.

My lovely wife has always been an amazing support for me! So, after seeing my concerned expression and hearing all I had to say for the thousandth time, she helped me once again. She has that magical ability to always know what to do and how to do it…

“What’s the point of despair?” she said. “It leads to nothing productive! You have found the problem, isolated it, and now it’s time to solve it and worrying is certainly not the way. Action is!”

So, we focused our minds on the positive instead. After a beautiful and healthy vegetarian lunch, and some ridiculously chilled shots of tequila, (life is always brighter after a shot of tequila) the more “constructive” side of me emerged. I know that I want to make this blog work, because I have constant inspiration and urge to write and share, hopefully even inspire! This is my new band, my new venue; these postings are my new concerts, the writing – my rehearsals; the comments – your ovations.

I guess, it’s true that no matter what the times, you can find inspiration anywhere. And that’s the beauty of live. We just have to learn how to live it!