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Thursday, July 30, 2009
Hell of a Morning
Some days are just fucking endless! The volcano of SHIT erupts early in the morning on days like those, leaving a rain of hot crap downpour over your sleepy head every minute, so you regret ever getting out of bed.
You can normally guess it’s one of those days when you specifically went to bed “early”, so you could get enough sleep and got woken up in distress five hours later.
It’s 9:45 am and I am already exhausted!
Buddah had a bug bite her early this morning, got an allergic reaction and started choking, which woke Alex up just to find her face swollen like a losing fighter after a boxing match. Her eyes were just two creases on the ball-like face. She was snoring loud, almost unable to breathe…so, I called the emergency vet, who’s on the other side of town, and at 7am I had already gotten there! Forget about beauty sleep, forget about sleep at all! Not to mention what they charge! I’ll just tell you this much: for a “How’s she doing?” to which I replied that it’s happened before and she needs a shot, they charged me $47! It’s called “examination”!
The way American doctors – be it for adults, babies or dogs – charge, is more than obscene! It’s a robbery and a murder at the same time! I will never forget how Sami’s doctor showed us how to clean his nose and they called it “surgery” on the receipt, and charged our insurance for one! Can anyone f*@King believe this?
Oh, well, Buddah got better and we got home. I was dead tired and hoped to have a nice strong coffee. Just about then our precious Sami woke up and it all started all over again. My favorite part of all is that we got a baby gate, to put on the exit of his room, so he doesn’t crawl out of there and ruin his breakfast by filling up on Buddah’s hair off the floor. The gate was too short, though, and couldn’t fit the doorway, so we had to enhance it with an ottoman, which in turn shed its own hairs all over the carpet, so we had to vacuum clean again, twice already this morning, after we’ve licked the house clean yesterday. Why I’m telling you all this? So you can feel my constant re-grounding to point zero day in and day out. Buddah cost me all the money I made yesterday and the house looks like a pigsty, after all the cleaning. On top of it all, I’ve been writing this while playing racquetball between the computer and Sami, who now tries to climb on the bed and is extremely irritable, and vulnerable to falling back on his head…and we don’t want that.My problem is that I am the ball in this game and jumping around so early and relentlessly overwhelms me.
Thank God, there is a whole new wonderful day of work ahead of me!
That’s the kind of bitch I turn into when I don’t sleep enough! Ooooh, I need my beauty sleep!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
a Quiz
One in a Quadrillion
Have you ever wondered about the amazing randomness due to which you came into being?
Someone long time ago decided to dance with a girl, some high school teacher punished your mom for gossiping and made her sit with the biggest nerd in the class, or someday a bus was passing by and a girl noticed a neatly dressed guy, walking by a bus stop, that later became the father of her kids...your father.
Life is so amazing! The tiniest little details that turn our path in entirely new directions, the millions of different coincidences, that change our life completely – all these unnoticeable petty pieces of the puzzle that make you wonder “Where will I end up tomorrow?”
Is it really just a coincidence? Is it a divine intervention? Is it fate? Does it really matter what it is?
It seems to me that the important question is that we realize that there was an extremely little chance that we’d be alive today, and yet, here we are. We are the best sum of what the time could offer. We are the awesome product of physics, biology, mathematics, psychology, chemistry and theology, all working hard together, to make that one in a quadrillion chance work out just perfectly for you, so you can spend your life on this planet.
And what do we do with it? We waste it mostly away. Falling asleep in front of yet another TV show with two American and one British judge, driving to work, bitching at work, driving from work, daydreaming of a better day and never doing anything about it, cussing, being stuck in traffic, spending endless hours with useless conversations, shopping, gossiping, obeying…all of this is just a prove of how far from realization humanity is from the meaning of life.
I believe that it’s all about leading, creating, standing up for yourself, finding yourself, listening to your heart, being brave, being active, learning, exploring and loving!
So I just want to stir up the old muddy waters of your consciousness and make you realize how incomprehensibly slim the chances were of you being on this Earth. To make you crave more for your mind and less for your body. To help you understand that you are here for a reason, because if you weren’t here, someone else could have done a better job. But YOU were the chosen one, so you’d better make a difference! In your life, in my life, in the life of this planet. Because if you don’t, then you are just a waste of space!
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Frog Cliche
Do you remember the story about the frog, that got thrown in hot water and jumped right out of the pot, but when they put it in a pot with regular temperature and slowly increased the heat, it kept staying till it boiled?
Silence, smooth sailing, some storms here and there, but we take them as the salt of the meal and keep going. Slowly we realize that we’ve been sinking and not sailing. But it’s too late to turn around. Too late to start peddling. We’ve gotten comfortable with our lives, no matter what the winds have blown us into and keep sinking, sinking, sinking…getting comfortable with the temperature in the pot.
And I cannot avoid mentioning here one of my all-time favorite and most painful song lyrics of all time:
“…and then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you,
No one told you when to run.
You’ve missed the starting gun!...”
(Pink Floyd – “Time”)
You know what all this is leading to, so I won’t go on, because if what I have to write is predictable, it’s not worth writing.
All I have to say is that this one is for all the rebels, the rogues, the dreamers, the fighters, the winners!
This one’s for the ones that decided to break the chains, the bars, the walls!
My respect to you for deciding to fight, rather than fall asleep, to pursue your goals and dreams, to overcome the fear and overthrow the dictatorship of society, but also of your friends and relatives, who tell you you’re just fine the way you are!
My respect to you for risking to LIVE!
I’ll allow myself to quote a great friend of mine, who says: “Life is a journey, not a destination”.
So, remember this: even if you didn’t get there, at least you lived!
I was like you once. Now I feel that I’m slowly starting to get boiled in the ever-hypnotizing comfort zone…
Respect to you! The one’s that make a difference! I hope to join you again!
Silence, smooth sailing, some storms here and there, but we take them as the salt of the meal and keep going. Slowly we realize that we’ve been sinking and not sailing. But it’s too late to turn around. Too late to start peddling. We’ve gotten comfortable with our lives, no matter what the winds have blown us into and keep sinking, sinking, sinking…getting comfortable with the temperature in the pot.
And I cannot avoid mentioning here one of my all-time favorite and most painful song lyrics of all time:
“…and then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you,
No one told you when to run.
You’ve missed the starting gun!...”
(Pink Floyd – “Time”)
You know what all this is leading to, so I won’t go on, because if what I have to write is predictable, it’s not worth writing.
All I have to say is that this one is for all the rebels, the rogues, the dreamers, the fighters, the winners!
This one’s for the ones that decided to break the chains, the bars, the walls!
My respect to you for deciding to fight, rather than fall asleep, to pursue your goals and dreams, to overcome the fear and overthrow the dictatorship of society, but also of your friends and relatives, who tell you you’re just fine the way you are!
My respect to you for risking to LIVE!
I’ll allow myself to quote a great friend of mine, who says: “Life is a journey, not a destination”.
So, remember this: even if you didn’t get there, at least you lived!
I was like you once. Now I feel that I’m slowly starting to get boiled in the ever-hypnotizing comfort zone…
Respect to you! The one’s that make a difference! I hope to join you again!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
A Brief Commercial Interruption
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Try it! Call us today and we’ll send you our free DVD with instructions, also a garlic air freshener and our secret recipe book with loads of great ideas for garlic cappuccino, and roasted garlic French press!
No more discomfort! Meet the day with a smile!
Research has shown that the effect of mint on your morning breath can lead to immense imbalance in your PH, leading to extreme mania, euphoria, and loss of sense of reality! Don’t fall victim to the glorified images of happy kids climbing into your bed in the morning! Stay true to your real self!
Side effects include headache, nausea, vomiting, close-relatives’ loss of consciousness or death, panic attacks and shortness of breath. If you experience sudden freshness urges, call your doctor immediately!
Café de Garlique may not be suitable for everyone. Call us for details on our special mild children “Shallot” formula!
Café de Garlique! A new way to start the day!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
emOcean
Emotions can be so unpredictable! Sometimes I feel like I have not a brain, but rather a primordial soup in my head, washing out random wildlife on the shores of my consciousness.
I certainly wasn’t familiar with the life form of an emotion that emerged on that beautiful day…
Cheese platter and a bottle of wine – I can’t think of a better definition for a romantic lunch. Needless to say, romantic is often perceived as an experience, shared by TWO people and three could make it…overcrowded.
Our lovely little monster kept taking over the conversation! He always had the most important story to tell, the most urgent need to be addressed, and the best ways to use the already familiar to my readers “divide and conquer” technique.
So, we never even felt how the bottle of wine became lighter and lighter, until it was no longer amongst us, and was now resting at a better place.
Sometimes a song can shutter me and change me forever, like the “Meat is Murder” by the Smiths, for example, which moved me so thoroughly, that I haven’t eaten meat for more than thirteen years. It’s a beautiful feeling when you stumble upon a book or a movie that does that too. But the strongest effect of all is the personal experience, the “based on a true story” factor that grabs millions of attentions, because it’s not someone’s imagination. It has actually happened.
I wouldn’t have expected to start sobbing at that very table, when Alex interrupted whatever argument we were on at the time, to shout: “A tooth! His first tooth showed up!”
A happy smile is a normal reaction, a laughter even, or a “Wooooow (the more “o”, the stronger amazement), even an “Oh, awesome!” for the less sensitive ones. But tears???
I blame it on the wine. Solely on the wine. This would be my only way to excuse my whimpering self out of this awkward moment, when the waitress asked us if we’d need anything else. But, thankfully Alex had her glasses on, and was wiping her cheeks as well. So, it must be the wine then! I was unable to speak for a few moments.
The last time I cried was years ago. And it felt good this time! I was so happy!
Things are changing so fast! Really by the day. There is something new he does every day! That’s what people meant when they said “they grow so fast”. And every new achievement activates a new thunderstorm in my primordial emOcean.
Our son’s first tooth clicked on the spoon today and echoed in our hearts forever.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Just Popping in!
Hi, I'm Sami!
Just thought I'd drop by in my father's blog, while him and mom are drunk on wine and not paying attention.
I was kind of a bad boy today...whined a lot, cried a bit, pooped a ton, pulled everything I could off the table, (knives and forks are my favorite, but napkins and plates work too), and in the end wouldn't go to sleep for what mom calls "the longest 20 minutes in her life". She's so childish sometimes!
So, I'd like to post my public apology for pissing mom and dad off and having them drink a whole bottle of wine, so they can finally relax.
PS. I really like California! This is my fourth time here. Daddy says I can drive next time! Yey!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
To You...
I started being serious about this blog only two weeks ago.
Already I have received so much positive feedback, that it surprised me. I always enjoyed writing my road trip journals, but it felt like it was just my closest friends and family that read them and appreciated them.
Now, a whole new sensation unfolded. What if I can actually DO this? What if this actually works out? I mean if I were to write for a living, I would love my job! It would be the closest to my dream of having a band and spending my life on tours around the world!
It's amazing! For just two weeks, my life started changing!
Anyway...I just thought I'd take the chance to thank YOU! And if you are reading this right now, that means exactly YOU! I love you! I love your support and I deeply appreciate it!
I encourage you to find a way to leave me comments if you haven't figured it out yet, because some of the topics that I intend to propose to you are just ripe for open discussions.
And lastly, I appreciate your criticism! I'd love to take everything you say into consideration, so I can assume a new point of view and broaden my horizons. On writing, on thinking, on fatherhood. So, feel free! Criticize me more. Let's see if I can finally learn to defend myself :)
Much love and respect!
Thank YOU!
Stoyan
Already I have received so much positive feedback, that it surprised me. I always enjoyed writing my road trip journals, but it felt like it was just my closest friends and family that read them and appreciated them.
Now, a whole new sensation unfolded. What if I can actually DO this? What if this actually works out? I mean if I were to write for a living, I would love my job! It would be the closest to my dream of having a band and spending my life on tours around the world!
It's amazing! For just two weeks, my life started changing!
Anyway...I just thought I'd take the chance to thank YOU! And if you are reading this right now, that means exactly YOU! I love you! I love your support and I deeply appreciate it!
I encourage you to find a way to leave me comments if you haven't figured it out yet, because some of the topics that I intend to propose to you are just ripe for open discussions.
And lastly, I appreciate your criticism! I'd love to take everything you say into consideration, so I can assume a new point of view and broaden my horizons. On writing, on thinking, on fatherhood. So, feel free! Criticize me more. Let's see if I can finally learn to defend myself :)
Much love and respect!
Thank YOU!
Stoyan
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Breathless in Vegas
When the heat makes your brain stop working, when the sun burns your eyes, when your AC gives up on you - unable to keep up, when your car feels like a sauna, when your dog runs back home, as you try to drag her out for a walk, then...you probably live in Las Vegas! There's no salvation in the pool, my friend! You might just boil in there!
The salvation is called Mt.Charleston! It takes no more than an hour to get there, sit by a picnic table, play some Cafe Del Mar on the car stereo, open a beer, eat a nice home made sandwich and quietly read a book.
That's exactly what we did today. It's hard to grasp the idea how within 40 miles (60km) you can be out in the best weather possible, when your house down in Vegas is melting. But it's a beautiful thing!
There was something better to it today, though. Sami was very calm and quiet, and just sat and relaxed in his car seat next to us. Alex and I opened our books and read. We didn't speak, but our souls were in harmony.
There was peace. We'd hold hands for a moment, look at each other, check on Sami and keep reading. And at that moment I read this, and I decided to share it with you:
"Marriage is a relationship. When you make a sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other, but to unity in a relationship. The Chinese image of the Tao, with the dark and light interacting - that's the relationship of yang and yin, male and female, which is what a marriage is. And that's what you have become when you have married. You're no longer this one alone; your identity is in a relationship. Marriage is not a simple love affair, it's an ordeal, and the ordeal is the sacrifice of ego to a relationship in which two have become one." (from "The Power of Myth" by Joseph Campbell)
It was so right, and so perfect for that moment, that it gave me the chills and I closed my book and enjoyed it. Alex had told me this quote a long time ago: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. " by Hilary Cooper and it couldn't be more perfect!
I love my life! I love my family! I love Love! And I absolutely adore the moments that take my breath away! The art is to know just how to grasp them...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
That's NOT What I Signed Up For!
Hospital. Looks like a bank. Clean. Quiet. I walk up the stairs and find the room.
There lies my friend, smiling, baby next to her. The proud dad gets up to greet me and take the flowers. The newborn is sleeping. It all looks so…serene. So easy! Up until that day I always thought that once you have a kid, your life is over. This time it didn’t look so bad. What could this baby do to them? I knew that they could take him anywhere, feed him anything, bring him up however they liked.
I went back home and called Alex back in Bulgaria. “I think I want a baby!” Later she’d show me the napkin she saved the tear she cried when I told her that. And so it began…
Espresso bar at Caesar’s Palace. My lovely wife sitting sideways on her chair, allowing me to look at only her pretty silhouette. Facing her, an eight month old beautiful baby. Our son! Hands waving, spoonfuls of spinach flying all over the place. Attitude! (But kids hate spinach! He wants some Bailey’s and coffee too!) My smile slowly fades. It’s the weekend. It’s our morning coffee and we haven’t had a chance to say a word to each other yet. This used to be our time! This used to be a time for romantic planning and even gossiping. Hell, yeah! I can tell you now and here: guys gossip too! And what’s worse, they bitch even more!
We start our walk in the enclosed building of the shopping mall. It’s 114 F° (45 C°) outside, we ain’t gonna walk out there! And yet, malls are so utterly limited, expensive and depressing. Within fifteen minutes I’m done. I want out! Sami falls asleep. This means that now we have to walk around the mall for an hour, so he can get his sleep and not be cranky.
Every little noise drives me crazy and puts me on edge. We hardly speak, because we are on the lookout for people sneezing, coughing and screaming around the baby. It’s almost noon and we hardly even spoke yet. Finally someone manages to speak loud enough right next to us and wakes him up after only a half-hour nap.
“Let’s go for lunch! I have this discount in a nice restaurant. Let’s try it out.”
Hesitantly we end up in another casino. The awful feeling of being close to work on a day off. I almost cringe, but try to forget. They seat us on a corner table. Sami is in great spirits. He yells so loud to tell the world about it, that other people ask to be seated elsewhere. Great! Now we are “that” table. My turn to feed him this time.
Why did I even try the spinach? That pissed him off! I saw the spoonful flying toward my face, his bib covered in spinach, and spit. “SpiTnach!” The waiter asks me for another beer, and I haven’t even had a sip. If he may take my salad away, and I haven’t even TASTED it yet! I said to him that we are in no rush. (I am obviously feeding the baby, you, idiot! Can’t you see I haven’t had a bite yet?) Five minutes later he comes with two plates in hands – our entrees. Looks at us and turns around, hoping we missed him. Comes right back and tells us he asked chef to “fire the entrees”. (I know they are already sitting back on the window) I pass the baby spoon to Alex and storm through my salad. More spinach, mixed with peach puree is now flying at me.
The entrees come. They look and smell great. Sami is finally full, but still loud to a point where we are sitting on the edge of the chair, almost ready to take him out.
(Allow me to diverge again for a moment. I know that I should not care. I’ll never see those people again; they may also have had a baby at some point and know what it’s like; they probably say to themselves “well, I didn’t take my baby out when he was little” but I need to get the F out of the house; the waiter is SO rude that who gives a shit how he feels about that! And yet, I feel like a heavy load is on my chest. I DO care! I still have spoken almost nothing to my wife because the way Sami acts up.)
Three bites into my entrée! Sami even got quiet for a moment, so I could start to relax. I kid you not! Three bites! May be two minutes had passed: “So, did you save any room for dessert? The crème brulee is awesome.” WTF? Who does that? This is a fine dining restaurant in the flippin’ Venetian! I know I may have high standards, but even in Bulgaria, where they expect no tip but your petty change they aren’t so blatant in trying to kick you out! So what if I’m with a baby? He’s not even loud anymore!
Unbelievably bad service! If you go to “Pinot” expect shit! No wonder the discounts are 40%! They should be dead with service like that!
Oops, I’ve diverted again.
Home. Late afternoon. Sami fell asleep in the car and we quietly moved him to his room. We were tired. What’s that moment called when you are just drifting away and the sweet relaxation of your eyelids … aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrghhhhhh! Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhh!
“Where am I? What…?”
Alex is already running to bring him over and soothe him. I’m still in the beyond – eyelids, heavier than bricks. He’s not happy to be on the swing either, so I put him in his play yard and fall asleep next to him, while he’s whining unhappily from there.
7:30pm. He’s finally in bed! We sit down to see each other. Stuck at home once more with the bottle of wine, not able to afford a baby sitter more than once a week. “We’ll be alcoholics soon if we keep it up” she says and sips on her martini. “Cheers” I say and try to smile, load still on my chest. I miss her. 9pm she’s already dozing off. I’d do the same if I had to get up at six!
We both know we’re there for each other and we’ll make it! I’m sure of it.
But I miss her! I miss US! Believe me, I love my son to death, but oh, God, how I miss my Alex…
That’s not what I signed up for!
GONE!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sweet and Sour
It's a weird feeling, finding out something new, after having known yourself for almost thirty years!
As I found out today, may be my favorite flavor is sweet and sour!
You know how when you get the sweet and sour sauce in the Chinese restaurant it’s always an interesting tickle of the senses. One of my favorite tastes – apple-flavored chewing gum that just fills you with sensations.
I found that this is exactly what I feel when I kiss my son. There’s sweetness to it, with a definite tickle! It’s an amazing feeling; a great attraction, not of the regular “love” kind. All I want to do is hug him and tickle him and make him laugh, and kiss him.
It really grows on you.
And it’s right when you kiss your kid that you feel that tickle, just like the one you get from the sweet and sour gum.
Don’t get me wrong, the “sour” sensation doesn’t always come from the tease of your emotions. Sometimes it just means you have to change a diaper.
Generally speaking, though, I never thought I’d have feelings like that, when I imagined what it would be like to be a father. This is an indescribable feeling that seems to surprise me every day. And that is the beauty of it. After all, why would most people say it’s the best thing in the world? At first I thought I was just an outcast. I couldn’t understand what was so fun about changing diapers, sleeping less, and going out less. However,with time the bond between us got so much stronger. I think I’m starting to understand why mothers become mothers the second they see their child, and fathers…well, later on.
The more I can communicate with Sami, the more I become crazy about him and it’s an amazing new feeling, which I love. I used to see my time, spent with him, more as a chore before, and today it is just pure fun!
Seeing him laugh at Alex and trying to force a smile every time he sees us, makes my day. He does this new thing with his mouth when smiling, stretching it so much, it looks unnatural and pretense, and extremely heart-melting at the same time. As if he wants to show us his endless joy. That gives me that exact tickle.
The slightly sad part is that I see how quickly it’s all changing. People say: “they grow so fast” and it’s the truth, because we don’t develop that visibly as adults and babies change immensely within months. Grown-ups are doomed by the “life-is-like-toilet-paper” syndrome – the further you get, the faster it rolls.
So, what’s the plan?
Try to spend less time looking at the TV screen,the computer, the book and more time looking at your kid, because soon, out of that sweet and sour sensation, only the sour part will remain. When your kid flies away…
… just like you did.
As I found out today, may be my favorite flavor is sweet and sour!
You know how when you get the sweet and sour sauce in the Chinese restaurant it’s always an interesting tickle of the senses. One of my favorite tastes – apple-flavored chewing gum that just fills you with sensations.
I found that this is exactly what I feel when I kiss my son. There’s sweetness to it, with a definite tickle! It’s an amazing feeling; a great attraction, not of the regular “love” kind. All I want to do is hug him and tickle him and make him laugh, and kiss him.
It really grows on you.
And it’s right when you kiss your kid that you feel that tickle, just like the one you get from the sweet and sour gum.
Don’t get me wrong, the “sour” sensation doesn’t always come from the tease of your emotions. Sometimes it just means you have to change a diaper.
Generally speaking, though, I never thought I’d have feelings like that, when I imagined what it would be like to be a father. This is an indescribable feeling that seems to surprise me every day. And that is the beauty of it. After all, why would most people say it’s the best thing in the world? At first I thought I was just an outcast. I couldn’t understand what was so fun about changing diapers, sleeping less, and going out less. However,with time the bond between us got so much stronger. I think I’m starting to understand why mothers become mothers the second they see their child, and fathers…well, later on.
The more I can communicate with Sami, the more I become crazy about him and it’s an amazing new feeling, which I love. I used to see my time, spent with him, more as a chore before, and today it is just pure fun!
Seeing him laugh at Alex and trying to force a smile every time he sees us, makes my day. He does this new thing with his mouth when smiling, stretching it so much, it looks unnatural and pretense, and extremely heart-melting at the same time. As if he wants to show us his endless joy. That gives me that exact tickle.
The slightly sad part is that I see how quickly it’s all changing. People say: “they grow so fast” and it’s the truth, because we don’t develop that visibly as adults and babies change immensely within months. Grown-ups are doomed by the “life-is-like-toilet-paper” syndrome – the further you get, the faster it rolls.
So, what’s the plan?
Try to spend less time looking at the TV screen,the computer, the book and more time looking at your kid, because soon, out of that sweet and sour sensation, only the sour part will remain. When your kid flies away…
… just like you did.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
alkA Dolls: SilenciO, the humble
This is SilenciO. He is quite a descreet and solitary guy, a genuine introvert. He stays away from boisterous crowds. No one knows if it is his choice to forever keep a secret, or is it just insecurity???
Monday, July 13, 2009
It's a "Father" Thing...You Wouldn't Understand
Seems like, since the dawn of humanity, the roles between men and women have been divided. The women stayed home to watch the kids and men went to hunt and fight, so they could provide for their family. Naturally, this behavior, practiced for thousands of years, has become a kind of instinct that affects people to this day.
I see Alex, in her 100% role as a mom, devoted, caring and loving, extra sensitive and precautious. I too am relentlessly haunted by the ghosts of the man’s well ingrained role – to provide for them. I am now in charge of their well being, of their ability to be well fed and dressed today and tomorrow. It’s a great responsibility I feel, that I have to take care not just of myself, but of two other human beings.
This is an unfamiliar feeling.
It was just yesterday when I was screaming on stage with my band, riding my skateboard and sleeping on people’s floor, just because I wanted to travel and it didn’t matter where I’d stay, what I’d wear or eat. I’ve slept in hostels, tents, friend’s houses, huts, trains, train stations, busses, boats, beaches, camps, basements, attics…and it never mattered.
Now that’s changed. I can’t just go anywhere, not knowing where I can put my family to sleep, where it will be warm, quiet and comfortable. I am sure, that they can put up with many harsh conditions, but I just don’t want to allow them to. I don’t want them to just eat any food, but good, healthy food. I want them to have nice clothes, “things” and experiences. Possibly it doesn’t matter all that much to them, but it matters to me and this increases my stress levels.
Had things been more “normal”, had our lives had to deal with just the stress of learning how to be parents, I assume it would have been much easier. But it’s not. Seems like it’s true that “when it rains, it pours”. The American economy had to go to hell the moment Sami was born! No, it couldn’t hurry, or wait a bit! It had to be now!
So, there goes my level of security! All at the same time we had a baby, the economy crashed, my wife stopped working and I can barely get a shift these days. Why all at the same time???
I’ve been thinking all this to myself all day, ever since I got the phone call not to go to work today, because it’s so slow, they won’t need me. Even if it wasn’t for that damn responsibility that settled in my heart, I’d still be freaking out.
My lovely wife has always been an amazing support for me! So, after seeing my concerned expression and hearing all I had to say for the thousandth time, she helped me once again. She has that magical ability to always know what to do and how to do it…
“What’s the point of despair?” she said. “It leads to nothing productive! You have found the problem, isolated it, and now it’s time to solve it and worrying is certainly not the way. Action is!”
So, we focused our minds on the positive instead. After a beautiful and healthy vegetarian lunch, and some ridiculously chilled shots of tequila, (life is always brighter after a shot of tequila) the more “constructive” side of me emerged. I know that I want to make this blog work, because I have constant inspiration and urge to write and share, hopefully even inspire! This is my new band, my new venue; these postings are my new concerts, the writing – my rehearsals; the comments – your ovations.
I guess, it’s true that no matter what the times, you can find inspiration anywhere. And that’s the beauty of live. We just have to learn how to live it!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
A Ray of Light
Everyone who knew my old me, knew my alter-ego - Ray! We were absolutely inseparable! I think to a great extent I owe who I am to him. His loyalty and unlimited patience helped me become a better person! He was a boy scout, a skateboarder, a student in school,a regular at the punk concerts, at my band's rehearsals, a roadie, a third party at every date I went on, a coffee partner, a beer partner, a beach bum, a camping buddy, a swimming buddy, a walking buddy, a brother, and a son to me.
We parted ways four years and 1 day ago...But he has never left me! We grew up together! I miss him!
To Ray!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
We've Been Ferberized!
Ever felt like a sadist? It’s a nasty feeling for a vegetarian. Most of my life I’ve been trying to be an understanding, open- minded and compassionate person. I stopped eating meat over thirteen years ago, for the sole reason that animals were suffering!
So, to “Ferberize” Sami seemed like one of the most cruel things I’ve done!
If you have a kid, you already know what I mean. If you don’t, then one day you’ll know it, so … brace yourself! The Ferber method is a way to torture little babies and their parents in the name of everyone’s well being! Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Simply put, it’s a battle of the wills.
Here’s what you do: first, you need a crying baby who has to take his midday nap, then you need a rope, earplugs, and nerves of steel for yourself. You let the baby “cry it out” and he learns to sleep, knowing that you won’t respond to his cry, so it will be worthless for him to even try next time. Or will it?
Sami slept twenty minutes this afternoon and woke up, crying. So, Alex and I decided to use our psychological advantage and “show him who’s Boss”.
Five minutes later I was holding her! “Don’t go! We have to resist! He is only trying to manipulate us.”
Ten minutes later: “I’m going crazy! Has it been an hour yet? I’ll give him the pacifier.” (He spit it right out as if he was spitting in my face)
After fifteen more minutes Alex picked him up to soothe him, so we could be sure he was still able to breathe after all the relentless screaming…then – put him right back down.
During the last fifteen minutes of war, Sami started conquering really strategic positions of our stronghold, because he used a tricky little technique, known as “divide (your parents) and conquer”! We were way past the edge, each of us being torn inside. I mean, man! That was some serious crying to a point where we didn’t know if we’d lost our hearing for the few seconds he stopped! We argued for a minute before I realized that now we were falling to his prey. That awesome little monster won!
Alex picked him up after we had spent nearly an hour listening to the sounds of the inferno, fighting and being emotionally shaken.
And you know what Sami did? Gave me the biggest victorious smile he could ever pull off! That arrogant little hmm… brat… even made both of us laugh at him for being so cocky! But really, we were laughing at ourselves for giving in. Psychology education goes right out the window, once you actually face your own barbarian!
We have just been Ferberized!
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