How I Took My Parents to the Children's Museum

 Hey, guys, I haven't popped in for a while...It's time I put on some clothes and told a story...

...so I get off the car on my dad’s shoulders and my eyes couldn’t believe it!

Children’s Museum!

WTF??!?!!...I say to myself…and I hear my dad uttering: You better enjoy this, Sami, cause your mother and I aren’t here for OUR pleasure, but for yours!

Are you kidding me? Of course I’m gonna enjoy this! First of all, I don’t have to pay, cause my dad has this plastic thing, called a “credit card”, that works just like  mgic, and second of all, him and mom are the ones stamped to get in, while I just walk in like I’m going home to pull on Buddah's ears and eyes!

...

Oooh, I’d been waiting for this for a long time! It was an entire building, where those parents of mine weren't allowed to say “NO!”, while pointing an ominous finger at me! It’s the building of “Yes!”. I got to throw balls, make a mess, touch everything, pull on cables, ride on an ELEVATOR! (I know - too much adrenaline there!) and throw a quarter down a circle, where I was supposed to watch it disappear into a hole, had it not been for my dad, jumping to save it, cause “we can’t waste money”. Heheh, how naïve IS this guy!

But, anyway, that place is the first good idea since breast milk! I mean, I got to meet lots of chicks and hang out with them, even though they were much too old for me! I mean one of them even tried to hold my hand?!?! Helloooo? You ever heard of age inappropriate relationships? You’re like five and I’m like 16-months old, and stuff, don’t be trying to hit on me with that awesome ball you’re playing with!'Cos, you know my mom will kick your mom's ass! Man! What’s up with girls these days?!

That one place, where my dad stuck me... was pretty scary, so I cried...it was like a chamber of wind! I kid you not! He came in with me and his lips were almost torn away from his teeth! That’s how strong the wind was inside that thing! And you call this fun? I only call it fun if that girl with the skirt went in there, so the wind blew her skirt up and I could see her brown diapers! Now that’d be fun! But being stuck with dad in that hairstyle messying machine…no, thank you! So…I cried till dad finally took me out!

Also, forgive me, parents, but I have to mention this: What’s up with you, people? You said you wouldn’t be having fun in this place? You played more with the toys than I did! My crazy mom was jumping like a wabbit on that game, where you need to lose calories or something, and dad was making all those funny poses, trying to act as a goalie in that virtual reality game! Not to mention how long you guys played with the other parents, trying to make huge and BORING soap balloons! Well, let me tell you something, guys! Soap balloons are OUT! Tubes, that blow air and have balls floating above them are IN! Can you even imagine how long it took me to take you away from those soap balloon stations? It was ridiculous! You guys act like kids! I wish you’d stop it and finally grow up, cause I’m getting cranky!

It’s not my fault, that YOU two decided to have three beers AT LUNCH today BEFORE taking me to the fun place (I don’t care if it’s St. Patrick’s day, it was lunchtime! And you know how important it is for you to have coffee after that, and you knew I had nowhere to get it to you from!). Anyway… it took me a while to take you back to the FUN elevator ride, where all I wanted to do was sound the emergency alarm! And WHY didn’t you let me?! It was the closest button to the ground, closest to me, so I needed to push it! You told me this was the place of no “No!”s! Then why the hell did you stop me from sounding my emergency alarm?!

That’s it! You guys are punished! Next time I’m not taking you to the Children’s Museum! You should have listened to me!

...

I might take mom, cause she played with me with that fun Lego, but I'm afraid this would be way too much fun for dad, so he'd better go to work or get back to writing on his blog before I grow up and it's too late!

Кой, аз ли???

Мхм, ти! Ти, ти!

I surrender

". . . he had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother"

Those are the last few words of Orwell's "1984" novel.

Today I thought to myself. Aaah, nice! I'm going to work! I can finally rest!

See a troubling resemblance there? Who knows. May be I stumbled over the edge.
I am truely and utterly depleted of strength and survival techniques. Like my aunt's hedgehog,
that crawled behind the cabinet and could not back out. So they found him after he stank up the
place. I'm afraid there's no light in the end of the tunnel.

When the Shit We Live in Starts Getting Stinky

Why are we so rigid? Why does it take us so long to immerse ourselves in unexplored waters? What is it that draggs us back down to the daily routines and engulfs us in oblivion?


Fear.


I know that redundancy only breeds security, but the constant retreat to familiar territories means lack of new experiences and a mental death. An essay I wrote as a student about Homeo Vs. Heterostasis lead my own mind wander in an unexplored area of my brain and surprised me with the formulation of this very statement: Homeostasis, as the attempt of the body to return to balance, ultimately aims Death. Heterostasis is the breach of equilibrium, harmony and monotony...as known as - Life. Ironically, my daily experiences constantly drag me back down to this same old statement! In order to live, we need to fight with our own Thanatos, which doesn't necessarily need to be the urge for death, but simply - the desire to rot, rust and sink into our own shit.

Here's a surprisingly good random example:

And THAT'S how we get old! Through life of fear of change!

My favorite quote for a finale: "And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run. You missed the starting gun!"  -Pink Floyd

I am an Praud American and I Have a Bloag!

Frendz,

I no, I no, I no. I no its taking me awhile to do my nu posts, but live realy has it's ways of making me live it. I may chose to lie on the cooch and wach TV, but live makes me work instead. I prefer to spend thyme with my family, but our tenant moves out and I get stuck doing this:

Sorry I didnt turn the picturs, I am two-buzy!
My wife and son eat there brekfasts without me, while I try to catch up on sum sleep because I have worked so much the nite befor.

Oh, dear lord, dear lard, help me with my searchings, for my soul is not at rest and my spirit likes to write, but it's time is so limited! If only their was a way for me to do two, tree, for, five, sicks, or maybe steven tings at the same thyme, I'd be so blessd! But, alas, I can only do one think at a thyme and thats two work, whitout been with my pour sick Sami, who is sick, by the way. Oops, Ive sad it already dat his sick and now Ive sad it again. I appolllogeese, 4 my mis take.

So, I hav nutting els to tell you, but I nead to keep riting, so while I'm riting, I may tink uf something else to tell u.

Yes! I watched the nues to-day on the TV and a kat has been stranded on a three-brunch on 47th street, but thank Lord, the fire departement came and saved him! Fortunately, their are some great heroes in the fire departement, who do not hessitate to risk there life's, to safe the live of a superimportantanimal, such as a kat!

This is al 4 to-days' post, join me next time when I want be workin, to tell you the newest news! Mayb someting like: Being an American, automatically makes me literate and I know perfectly how to spell! That's why I never even bother questioning my superpowers! I am so proud!

Finally

TOURISTS

Humanity is Cancer

Ever heard the story of the man, who had cancer and decided to cure himself by talking to it and asking the cancer cells to leave his body. He explained to them that when they kill him, they too shall die, he brought about emotional points of view, scientific evidence, and even presented all the organizations, fighting against cancer to his cancer cells...the results were amazing. The cancer listened and left the man alone. The cancer cells decidd that common sense was better than dying and this was the first ever succesful cancer cure!

Ever heard that story?

NO!

Because it never happened! Because as much as we wish it were true, it was just a dream, and cure is just a chimera to the common folk. Because no matter how you try, your communication with the senseless is futile!

So, imagine this organism, called Earth! It's entire system is infected with deadly virus, called Man! An endlessly gnawing, grazing, killing, destroying, consuming species, that likes to call itself HUMANE! A grotesque, self-proclaimed image of God , completely engulfed by a hunger...and not a biological hunger, but a mutatation, known as power and greed! It's the reason why this virus oversees all the signs, the whispers and the shoves that his host organism sends him! It's the reason why Humanity turns a blind eye to the snapping sound of braking ropes, just before its stronghold of omnipotence falls into oblivion!

I resent you, people! I resent your filthy little habits, ever-unchanging, ever-so-ignorant! I resent your ways and your rules! Your heartlessness, your carelessness! It's because of you, that my son will NOT be able to MUSE at the miracles of the ocean reefs, like his dad did! It's you, why he won't have clean water to drink and will suffer from diseases! It's you, why most the animals I so adore, will be extinct, turned into soups, gravys and exotic dishes, or just carelessly destroyed, while you build your mansions of greed, before my Sami has a chance to see them in the wild! It's YOU, why my son will have to face hunger and poverty, and sickness! Because THIS IS WHAT YOU BRING TO THIS PLANET! YOU VIRUS, YOU LEECH, YOU DISEASE!

With your actions, you bring death!
With your ignorance, you bring death!
With your ways, you bring death!
With your carelessness, you bring death!
With your INACTIVITY, you bring death!

And I only wish your death would bring liberation! But, unfortunately, your death will mean you've grazed away everything there once lived! It will mean that the poor man, who tried to breathe some common sense into his cancer cells....died!

Humanity is cancer!

It's up to you to decide: Are you a benign, or a malignant cell!

Love

So, for Valentine's you all probably expect me to write how this is a corporate bullshit, an artificial holiday, created, so cards, flowers and teddies can be sold and so on...

but instead I'll say: How many holidays are there? Does ANYONE get excited about President's day, Labor day or Martin L. King day? Please! I don't even know why those are called holidays.

What I DO know, however, is that I celebrate LOVE 365 days a year! And today I may just want to mommemorate it by spoiling my loved one a little extra!

(...and I'm so excited, I'm geting spoiled too!)

I Love you, dear alkA! Keep the flame burning through the storms! I'm ALWAYS there to mess things up, but I know how to keep us sheltered too...it's all in the balance, I should hope.

Love is Life! Life is Love! Love is Everything! Everything is Love!

The Destiny of Two Emigrants...and a Native

The glory of the moment, when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, when everything seems to be coming to a full circle, when black becomes white again, death gives birth and...Vegas becomes charming.

It was time for a regression to the old excitements. We got a babysitter for the night and went for a walk on the Las Vegas strip. And for the first time after all these years, we could look at the fake Paris, Egypt, Venice and Ancient Rome with grace and forgivness. I've always known that I've healed from a fall when I'm ready to laugh about it. Thankfully, I think soon I might be able to laugh about the past misery.

The dance of the Bellagio fountains, to the glorious "Time to Say Goodbye" was the first majestic sensation we felt about this city. We were in awe and this hypnotic state lasted for all these years. A spiritual experience in the heart of the city, built SOLELY on the idea of making money, may have just been the right lure to keep us here this long. But now, that the snake is ready to let go of its tail, the sight of the fountains, though still pretty, was a mere attraction.

The year of the Rat...the BAD year is coming to an end! The year of the Tiger begins! Time to sharpen our teeth and get out of the gutter.

So, after a nice walk, we finished the night off with some fine friends: drinking, eating, telling jokes and laughing...the Bulgarian way! Delving back into the basics sometimes brings the most joy to life!

The final season of the Office is upon us; the LOST show ends; Alex has a job as a psychologist; Sami is walking and "talking"; we have a neat house, perfectly convenient and with a separate room, just for him; I finally feel respected at work, I nearly fulfilled my lifelog dream to have every CD I've ever wanted, so...it's time to move on, or we'll get too comfortable and die here...

This is the destiny, my friends, the destiny of the Two Emigrants...and a Native!

Mamichko, Ja Sam Se Porsala!

There was an unusual sound as I emptied my mailbox, full of junkmail...you know...coupons for things you don't need, ads for stores you don't shop at and letters from people, you've never heard of, addressed to Styanao Staniaeauvou, or Stoyan Staneva, or to Alekxsandia Stanout.

But, as I pulled those poor dead trees, just so I can transfer them back into my recycling bin, I heard a nice clinging sound. "A key?...Noo, we haven't ordered anything recently. We're trying to get rid of things." But soon enough, before I know it, my fingers had turned the key into the parcell mail inbox and there I heard the sound they play in movies, when the good guy finds the gold treasury, or the room of the harem. I know that sound distinctly, because that's the sound our fridge used to make, every time after I got back to my parents' home after a couple of months of college, where the only sound my fridge had been making was an echo...

There was a big box there! And it was addressed to me! A present? Something Alex didn't tell me about? But the big sticker on it said "Polska". And then all I had to do was look at the writing. I felt such a wonderful jolt of enrgy going through my body! Such an exciting breath of air! It was from my highschool friend, now known as Mr.P.Stankov, PhD.

I got home and left the box on the kitchen counter. A little trick, my cousine had taught me back in the old times, when receiving a package in Bulgaria was like a holiday for me. You want to know what's in it, but you wait! You walk the dog, you change, get a beer and sit comfortably on the couch. Then, armed with scissors and a knife, you carefully open the box, without rushing or tearing anything. Slowly, corner by corner, tape by tape. And in the end, it's ready...

The first thing I saw, when I lifted the lid was the letter! And who, other than the afore mentioned people from the junk-mail factory, writes LETTERS there days?
When was the last time you sat down, pulled a sheet of paper and started writing anyone a letter?

Well, there it was: "Dear Tyana!" He saw an Operation Ivy t-shirt and got it for me! I mean, I live in the land of abundance and Dr.P found a gift for me, that I needed so badly: a friends love!

So, my dear friend, a lesson learned! Next time I want to show someone how much they mean to me, I'll write them a REAL letter and I'll let them know they're still in my heart!

THANK YOU!

iNeed

Remember when you got your iPod? How happy you must have been? All my music in one place! How often, I wonder, do we succumb to the pressures of social standards? Don't we work, eat, drink, get married and make babies, just because of social standards? And who set those standards for us? Do you think it was someone thoughtful, idealistic, or was it just the herd - the masses that built their own jail, a trench dug out by the hooves of the sheep, marching before us. And as the years passed, the groove was getting deeper, as the walls were getting higher, until we no longer could see what was going on around us...let alone - escape.

Why do I need an iPod? Why do I need an iPhone? Because...everybody has them. Because, as I walked into work two years ago!, with my CDwalkman, my co-workers said Get in the 21st century, man! So, since I didn't want an iPod, and the ridiculous $200-300 price tag just didn't cut it for me, I was ridiculed, because I had chosen tostay old-fashioned and listen to my CDs. Then my cell-phone company GAVE me a phone that could play music. So, I kept my $300. 

But what about all the rest of the "necessities"? You NEED a flat-screen TV, then you NEED cable TV, you NEED to pay extra for the HBO, the sports channels, the other movie channels...just so you can keep your hypnotized pretty face on the eye-magnet. 

I'm guilty, oh, yes I'm guilty still of selling my soul for this material nonsence. As me and alkA look around the house these days, we realize how much LIFE we've wasted, buying THINGS. Life, we've sold, so we could make money, so we could buy things we don't need. And we're lucky, cause we grew up in Bulgaria. We know what it's like to live with next to no material possessions. One pair of jeans, two pairs of shoes and one new t-shirt per year, even if it had to say "I piss on everyone" on it. I used to wear my PizzaHut uniform t-shirt to my band's shows - yes, as a mock, but also, because I didn't care. As skaters we used to buy used skateboards, and second-hand t-shirts, worn out, torn and faded. And we were happier than ever!

So, how about Americans? I was stunned to see how some people couldn't make ends meet with a salary, which is enough for my parents to live a month! (Oh, and by the way they eat and drink as much as their bodies allow them. No, they're not starving at all.) And I saw it then, just as I see it today. Americans NEED the cable TV, the ridiculous car payment, the insane phone bill with 3G internet and applications, the monthly payments of INTEREST ONLY on the credit card debt, not to mention the mortgage for their castles, full of empty rooms, that they forget they've set up as a gym years ago, while the 24 Hour Fitness still sucks up money out of their account every month. What's even better - they don't even go to the gym. And if only it stopped there. Then they need an X-Box, a PlayStataionIII, a Wii, the newest iPhone, the biggest soda and the newest movie. But they don't wanna just rent it. They BUY it! Sometimes I think Bulgarians eat better than Americans, because they can afford it.


Ever wonder why Americans LOVE TO WORK? From early childhood! They start at 13! At that age I was riding my bike all over town, skateboarding and singing around a campfire with my friends. I'll do the best that I can, so as my son will be doing the same, rather than selling burgers with fries to angry overweight assholes.


I've written it before in "Trading a TV for a Fireplace" and I'll mention it here. Nothing beats a night without a TV! You can look your spouse, friend, lover, your parents or kids, or yourself in the eye and experience so much more, than you would, watching the re-runs of Spider Man (America's favorite movie).


Well, what about our spiritual life? The iron grip of organized religion, the churches, the believes, (the donations)...what room do they leave us to experience the nirvana of self-realization, self-observance and a higher state of consciousness?


The social pressures of the herd, my friends, have changed our subconsciousness into a mantra-chanting mechanism of obedience and guilt. What's strange is that sometimes freedom is just a glimpse away, but it's hard to see through the glass-walls, because you don't believe you deserve what you see.

 

Addendum:

Ever wonder why your PC got too slow? Ever watch the Mac Vs. PC witty commersials? If you own an iPod, press Ctrl, Alt and Delete on your computer, go to Processes and see with how many iPrograms your computer is constantly jammed! Even though you haven't plugged the iPod in for weeks! Seems like your iPod infected your PC. I think you may NEED a new computer, this one's too slow!

Movies That Changed me...Forever

Ignorance is not an excuse! If you see what I saw, you might want to change too!

www.zeitgeistmovie.com

The Cove

An Inconvenient Truth

Meet Your Meat
(I bet ya, you don't have the guts to see this!)

Baraka

Planet Earth

Religulous
 

I urge you to add to that list!