A Series of Parenting Tips for the Non-perfect!

Or, as we Bulgarians say: “Make the lazy work and they’ll give you wise advice (how to take shortcuts)” (don’t call me out on my translation skills now, shut up!)

We fathers may not be the best at parenting, but one thing is for sure – we are definitely second best!

So, as I’m devoted to fatherhood, I’ll share some experience and advice with you, while Sami’s busy slamming two doors together…seems like a fun job to do…sometimes I entertain the idea – just for fun – what would it be like if all us adults acted like kids! The world would be a better place, for sure!

But let us begin!

First off:

When your kid wakes you up at 7 am, eager to get his breakfast, don’t be a lazy ass, get up and start the day! Whether you’re tired and sleepy now or in another thirty minutes, doesn’t make any difference, but in those thirty minutes you get to: vacuum-clean the house, make coffee, wash the dishes, mop the house and get a shower! Done! And it’s 9am already! (well, Samuil wakes up at 7am, eats breakfast in bed by 7.30 and tries to fall back asleep till 9. Now, I’ll give you one exception, which is me – if you need the extra 20 minutes between 7 and 7.30 ;), BRING the bottle warmer with you upstairs, so you won’t have to sit and wait for it, while unpleasantly warming up to the idea that this was it with your night’s sleep!

So, at 9am you go to get the baby, so the day of endless chasing and “where’s mommy” can start! To your surprise you may find, that the little monster has fallen asleep at 8.59! and…whooooh – another 20-30 minutes, so you can catch up on some blogging and coffee!

When you finally hear the ultimate wake-up call, do this: take off all your sweaters, shirts, and go to his room half-naked, because the struggle begins with all the poo-master diaper changing, chasing around the room so put the socks and shoes on and singing songs, to distract him while you suck up the buggers! If you had your clothes on, after all this you’d be sweaty and stinky and would need another shower, which is now next to impossible, even though you might be allowed to do some of the “restroom” techniques, coming up.

How to go to the restroom:

Number one is actually harder than number two. You need to either leave things as they are and be extremely quick, or try to figure it out somehow while holding a wiggly toddler. I do the first one, since the second is quite risky for my clothes and the bathroom floor.

Number two – you have two choices:

1.       Take 2 magazines – one for you and one for baby, so that before he’s done tearing at his magazine, you get to be done unnoticed and may even catch an article or two.

(I personally feel like this might be a bit disturbing for Sami, so I use the other option)

2.       The open door policy! You need a play-yard or a walker for this one. Leave the door open, the kid in the play-yard and save yourself, as he’s throwing all toys possible out of the crate and at you, while you rush to do your business. If any toy reaches you, toss it back. Try NOT to hit the kid, even though I’ve heard that if you get them right in the chin, they fall right asleep, but those are just myths. 

Your time’s up! You need to go feed him now!

See you whenever you have some time to read again!