Speaking of Art...

Sami got me this little present today:

Well, that was new :)

Art for Kids

The Art Gallery has amazing toddler classes where kids can play with different materials of all colors, textures and shapes. It's am amazing place where Sami can play, surrounded by beauty and inspiration. At the same time we can experience some of the amazing exhibitions and enrich our days...

So, it all starts with him being an outsider, of course. It's hard to get him in the group. Not surprised, considering his parents.

One thing that truly gets him, though: Airplanes

They really can help with anybody's mood, can't they!

Then we're ready for the good old children's song saying that 'Everything is orange' (Оранжево небето..)

Aah, who doesn't love a little art :)

New and Improved

If desire is the door to success then devotion is the key.

I have known this truth for a while as it is the natural continuation of something I read on alkA's wall (not facebook wall, but real brick wall) over thirteen years ago: 'You have to know what you want and that you want it!'

As you may have experienced yourself, or at least noticed about my own humble self is that finding out what the 'it' is, is one of the most difficult tasks we are faced with.

Seems like the haze of life never quite settles so you can confidently look inside yourself and state: 'This is it!'

I did find out one thing, however, and I am rushing to share it with you: I know that I am the biggest of all hedonist and egoist! And I found what brings me the most pleasure - GIVING! Ever notice a little butterfly inside of you going crazy, tickling your breath, playing with your imagination and making your mind race as you imagine how the others will react when you give them your gift, your creation,your advice, your self? Well, that's the best food for my ego. Imagining the response; tasting the joy; even predicting the impact.

So, lead by the highly egoistic drive to give, I am now awarded with the chance to do it. (well, the UK system kind of forced me into it, but wow, what a discovery!) I am now a voluntary worker at the Manchester Drug Services! An inspirational environment, showing substance users that there is a chance, guiding them and nurturing them along the way by providing the best support I have seen until now. The UK healthcare organization has actually come to the realization that body and soul are one. And that you can't cure one without healing the other. So, apart from the incredibly inspiring psychological support groups, a disturbed, scared and abandoned drug-addict can now experience the ultimate sensations of meditation, acupuncture,  hot stone massages, aroma-therapies and reiki. So spirituality has now officially become part of the cure. Particularly the wealth of the experiences of the self, here and now.

And I am right in the middle of it all. It is so exciting, I can't wait for my next shift! What kind of a feeling is that? I don't get paid but I gladly devote my time to it. I guess it reminds me of this blog. I spent the entire day today (shamefully even neglecting my family a bit) renovating, writing and enriching this blog even though I get paid nothing for it.

Unsurprisingly, the bottom line is the well-known cliche. The IT  is the thing that you'd gladly do even if you weren't getting paid to do it.

And I finally get it!

Лафове

алкА: Сами, Меми какво да прави като му е мъчно за теб?
Сами: Да принтира.
алкА: Ами ако няма принтер?
Сами: Той тати ще му даде за sharing.

Putting Yourself in Another's B-Day Shoes

happy b-day, alkA!

I so know the feeling of un-excitement when your birthday approaches. It is so easy to prefer giving up and spending special moments on the mundane train. It's just too much to even summon the energy to move a finger. We let problems amass over out heads like the Manchester clouds and allow them to shrink us down to mere existence.

But there's no way I'd let this feeling ruin MY fun! As I've found out that the joy of a birthday may well be the joy of those around you, who remember to do something for you.

So, please forgive my egoism, but I just had to make the most out of the special day(s).

I learned to make a cake - my favorite type - no sponge layers of syroped bread-like crap. Just the real deal - coco, sugar, eggs, and secrets.

Then, rather irritated by pre-printed, pre-addressed and un-personalized ready-to-give cards, wrote all over a photograph, where you can see her happiness in every detail, stuck it on a piece of paper and wrote all of the generic b-day wishes I could think of. Now that's personal :).

Then, just as I nearly ran out of ideas, she came up with the best one: why don't we go, risk our lives and reputation and learn to do some ice-skating. Even take the little shit along! Turns out, he's the only one who had something to complain about, as his little butt got seriously wet and we had to dry it by butt-slapping.

And then, the few Mancunian friends that we've made in a year chipped in in the celebration and excitement by organizing a surprise party themselves! One would think that surprises two years in a row don't work, but alkA still seems to be pretty gullible!

Cheers to you, my dear!
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A BIRTHDAY!

A House of Mould

AThe fisherman caught the deaf goldfish.

She granted him one wish - 

he wanted a house of gold. 

He got a house of mould

On a soggy, sunless day the caretaker stretched his arms in the tiny little closet he called his office. Something was bothering him today. He saw a television show last night and it was all about the terrible effects of dust on your health. All his life he had been taking such good care of himself and all of a sudden he found out about this secret silent killer. His heart was in turmoil. He had only been working for about a year in the moldy but tidy basement of this building. It was an easy job. Mindless stress-free and despite the dampness of his toilette-sized office, he liked it. If only he had made himself a sandwich, he may have missed the program but now it was too late. The seed of doubt had been planted in his head and he was worried.

But what is it, you may ask, that so disturbed him and why was it particularly dust that he was so worried about?  Well it's all related to the enhancement of technology and the invention of a great machine called 'dryer' (as in washer and dryer), which some of us so casually consider as natural as the fridge. But the technological advances had this little disadvantage: every load of dry clothes generated a massive amount of lint. A terribly dusty furball containing romantic stuff such as dead body cells, bed bugs and cotton bits. So, all normal users adjusted to this glitch in the system and created ducts, leading the dust out of their homes. Well, all but the brilliant architect of Melrose Apartments, we'll call him Mr.Stoopeed. So Mr. Stoopeed decided that all of this dust could get collected in a separate room of our basement and it never had to leave the building. So the days became months, the months - years and the years - a room FULL of DUST! Well, that was namely the dust which bothered our caretaker this morning. So he called the health hazard company and they came down for a check. Yes, they were Stoopeeefied! And what they did? Well, they sealed all the dryer machines off until the problem gets fixed.

Now, my friends, you may like to read more carefully as it's time I stepped into the picture. Yep, here I come. See me struggling down the stairs (6 floors from my flat to the basement and the elevator is broken - lucky?) with a pile of clothes, from which socks hang and my shirts are dragging on the floor. What makes it even better is that I am not alone! I help a little helpless 3-year-old child down the stairs, as I do need company every time I do my laundry. I step in front of the machine, read the notice and scratch my head. "Well, I think. I'll just wash them and hang them in our room - the old Bulgarian way". So I stick the pile of tiny muddy jeans and buggery hankies in the washer and trot up the stairs with my already 'tired' toddler.

Look, it's 45 minutes later and here we come down again. Whoow, the pile of clothes is much heavier when they are wet and when I have to bring them up the stairs. But I'll make it. Here we are. Less 3-4 socks all is here. Hanging -  done! Aah, childhood memories of domestic flee-markedness infest my mind. There is nowhere left to sit, to lay down or to lean now. Clothes - everywhere. A pretty picture. So sophisticated! But it's ok. They should dry quickly.

24 hours later - wet.
48 hours later - wet.
72 hours later - What is that stench? Oh my! I can't even enter the apartment! Everything stinks! May be a skunk made its way in, curled up and hid somewhere and died. Yes. The clothes were dry! Manchester, we owe this to you! But wait, I had another brilliant idea - stuck them stinkers in the closet thinking - aah, they won't smell in a few days... Oh, you should have seen the horror in people's eyes when I was walking down the street the other day. Sami and I had an open corridor of people running away from what could only be described as the Stinkertons coming.

Ha! You wish! I did try to wear my jeans but threw them back in the laundry basket before I threw up on them. And so time passed. My our wardrobes were slowly getting emptier and emptier until finally they were all transferred into the bathroom.

Until today I had a brilliant idea - I'll break the rules! I'll be the rogue! I'll USE the dryers! And I did. But I got news for you. Without ventilation, all you get is an enormous amount of just-as-wet clothes, nicely warmed up for you.

And this brings us to the current situation - again there are clothes all over the apartment. I am sitting here, surrounded by this formidable picture, wearing my favorite (still wet) clothes (as I've noticed that they DO dry up on me), writing. And I'm scared.

Honey, I think we should move!

alkArt: photography

My alkA. is getting so proficient in photography that most of her recent pics are pieces of art to me. I could not resist my urge to brag a bit on her behalf with this awesome sunrise...simply inspiring! I hope you too can sense the feeling of hope and serenity that this photo holds. "We may still be in the dark, but the light is finally coming our way!"

A Day in the Skatepark

If you were an Arab, or an Indian in Manchester, chances are you will find yourself in the Curry Mile in the morning. Despite my lack of desire to generalize, I would tell you that most likely you would give a very judgmental look to the father, who pushes the stroller of his 2-year-old son on a skateboard, flying towards the skatepark. But I'm used to these angry looks, staring at me as if I am breaking the law and fly by all the hookah-smoking critics of the Curry Mile for five minutes. For right after that is our little skate heaven. Every time the weather cheers up a notch, we try to go there.

Sami becomes more and more stable on the skateboard, as you may have noticed. So, now the next step is to introduce him to the half and quarter-pipes. And as a 10-year-old boy at the park told me, after asking me how old Sami was: 'Gotta start them while they're young!' (I laughed my ass off).

So, here are the first steps...rolls:

 

Already generating some interest in the ladies....not :)

It all boils down to this...

The hardest thing in my life is this:
Growing up.

As a kid and a teenager I've always been fascinated with a million things. Be it music, camping, fixing things, making things, writing poetry or hiking with the scouts.

So what happened? To this day I am constantly struggling to find what I would really like to do!

Happened to you?

If not, then may be you should give yourself a pat on the back and brag to your friends that you have found your way. But if you are like me, then keep on reading.

I know that if you've read previous posts, you may have read that our ethics professor at Sofia Uni once said: 'The tragedy of the human life is that from many possibilities, we are only forced to chose ONE path!'

And so we are doomed!? Why can't we be more than a somebody? Why can't we be MANYbodies? That's what I've been stuck with all this time. And until I know which one I will be, am I doomed to grope in the dark like a blind man?

I choose the opposite!

I will be whatever I LOVE, and let it come in whatever shapes and sizes it wants to. I know that what makes me happiest is to GIVE, to CREATE, to EXPLORE, to LAUGH, to SEE and most importantly - to LOVE!

So, my friend, if you have your list of things to love, may be it's time you put them all together and see what 'job' description they fit!

Be inspired! Believe! Love!

PS: and if you know of a job that fits my favourites, let me know :)

A Hell of a Halloween

It is difficult to recognize my true self in the angry, tired face I see in the mirror in the morning. The toll that the insecurities of life have on my life make me an irritable, often quarrelsome person and I seem to find little joy in life. Or at least so it seemed today.

This new me also comes with another set of features - a complete lack of enthusiasm and initiative for anything. I hardly bring myself to doing anything at all. Days seem to drool away in muddy, gloomy Mancunian shit and I just force myself to stay active just like a sick man forces himself to get out of bed and go to the couch.

So, the result was that my enthusiasm for this Halloween was miniscule at best. (by the way, thinking about Christmas makes me wanna throw up) So, here we were - walking amongst all kinds of witches, skeletons and monsters, uncaring and guilty, for we should have done something to at least excite Sami. The sense of guilt was just about to engulf me completely, when alkA gave an unorthodox (to us) idea: 'Let's carve a pumpkin!'

What? But my hands are stuck so far up my ass that I couldn't even put a sculpture together if the parts were given to me. And have you seen me draw? Oh, you should see what I draw for Sami - squirrels end up looking like pigs and airplanes - like scarecrows. But what the hell, that was something we'd never done before, so we thought we may as well try it...

And the magic happened! We all sat around the table, looked at some pictures of pumpkins, so we don't end up doing the three triangles and a line, but at least make it a bit more fun. Before we knew it, I was carving away to an extant that I wouldn't let anyone touch my 'work' and Sami was running around all over the place, playing with the carved out pieces on every couch, pillow and wall in the house. Strangely enough, the pumpkin was ready in no time and we all loved it so much, that we needed a second one. Without another pumpkin, we simply did a new face on the old one. The joy of creating something, even as petty as this was enormous. Sami's excitement was an absolute reward and the fact that the three of us were sitting around the table, doing something other than eating was amazing!

But after finishing up the two-faced pumpkin the night was far from over. We turned all lights out and left the room lit only by the spooky but warm light of a candle in a pumpkin and each of us had to tell a scary story. Sami was, of course, first and he made us shiver with the scary story of the big black wolf. Then alkA told us about the old witch and the scary faces she made over the pumpkin seemed to really freak out the poor child, so he had to constantly turn on the light, just to make sure we were who he thought we were. Then, I really liked alkA's trick and decided to tell the story about the devil, who was stealing little kittens to lure naughty kids with them. Unfortunately my attempt to imitate alkA's faces-over-the-pumpkin illustration wasn't as favorable to my eyelashes and eyebrows, but at least making shadows on the ceiling worked out pretty well. So, there we had it. No planning and no preparations. We had our family time and lots of fun. Who knows, next year we may even go trick or treating. But who knows what the times will bring then...

For now the moral of the story is a little saying that alkA and I always say: Doing things - that's love! And I guess, we can add - that's life! The more you let yourself flow down the stream, the less alive you feel and before you know it, your life will be over. So, even when you feel like wasting the day away in oblivion, force yourself. Get up and go for a walk. The rest will come with a bit more persistence. Guarranteed.

Love!
Live!
Do things!

Do you want to be happier with your life? Your health? Yourself?

Then....

GO VEGETARIAN!!!!!

Here are some good reasons why! These movies are life-changing. You can ONLY benefit from watching them. And if they harm your sensitive little tranquil, well then it might just be the time for you to open your eyes. More importantly, if anyone you know and love is ill with a serious disease, you may want to be able to at least give them an advice that could improve their health!

Movies are free. So, download them here:

Eathlings

Food matters

I am an addict!

Hi.

I am Stoyan and I am an addict.

I didn’t see it as a problem at first. I honestly thought I was just doing it to relax and to get my mind off things. I wanted to experience new sensations and to explore new realms of consciousness. Growing up, I always thought that exploring life to the fullest is the perfect way to have the greatest fulfillment. That’s why I devoted myself to it without any doubt. With the greatest passion, with the highest hopes! I always thought I needed it. I thought it would help me bring a meaning to this meaningless, petty life. I hoped to find myself in it. And what’s most confusing…I did. I found myself in every minute of every hour of every day while doing it. I was blinded…

It all started with a whim. Innocently. Just pondering if I could actually be brave enough to do it. And even though I had always wanted to do it, I never planned it. That day the wind must have been slightly different. The sun must have been shining in a different way. Life’s disappointments must have become just one too many. The devil penetrated my mind and started twisting and turning anything he could grab a hold of. So on that day I took the decision. I made the first step…

It’s been eleven years since then. I still remember it like it was just yesterday. I was so innocent, so was Alex. I didn’t tell her anything. I just did it. And it felt so good. So thrilling, so new and so right. Little did I know it would become an addiction from which I would later on come to suffer. Through the years it all seemed still innocuous. We were both hooked up. And we kept doing it over and over again until we got almost completely lost.

And here we are today. Many years older. And we are supposed to have grown up but it just seems to be slipping away. She has her feet more sturdily on the ground than myself. I am the one who is totally engulfed. Down the spiral and I can’t stop. So now that’s who I’ve become. I don’t even remember my old self anymore. It seems like it has become my life.

So here we are today. I am opening my heart to you. I am Stoyan and I am an addict. I am addicted to being an emigrant. A traveler. An explorer. ‘Ubi bene, ibi patria’. That’s who I am and I need your help. People tell me I’m not normal. That I should have stopped a long time ago. Settled, Secured a job, grown up…but I can’t seem to do it. Maybe they are right. May be I’ll stop. Maybe I won’t move anymore. Maybe I’ll stop travelling and settle. Or maybe I’ll do it all over again. Just one more time…

Having this addiction: most consider it a sin. A blasphemy for not having chosen the established path. But I consider it a virtue. We only live for a very limited time on this planet. And our fear overrules the inner urge for experiences. Our fear is what keeps us stuck, petrified. So, if you are in a place in your life where you wonder is this all? Is this as much as I can do, as far as I can reach? Am I going to be stuck here forever? I believe that you have the power to taste a little of the addicting juices of exploration. Even if you only did it safely. Allow yourself the mindset that you can at least try. And if it doesn't work, then just go back, knowing that you've tried. So, I will allow myself to quote an amazing truth that alkA. discovered: "If you are not happy about the place where you live, MOVE! You are not a tree!"


I am Stoyan, I am an addict and I like it!