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Monday, October 31, 2011

A Hell of a Halloween

It is difficult to recognize my true self in the angry, tired face I see in the mirror in the morning. The toll that the insecurities of life have on my life make me an irritable, often quarrelsome person and I seem to find little joy in life. Or at least so it seemed today.

This new me also comes with another set of features - a complete lack of enthusiasm and initiative for anything. I hardly bring myself to doing anything at all. Days seem to drool away in muddy, gloomy Mancunian shit and I just force myself to stay active just like a sick man forces himself to get out of bed and go to the couch.

So, the result was that my enthusiasm for this Halloween was miniscule at best. (by the way, thinking about Christmas makes me wanna throw up) So, here we were - walking amongst all kinds of witches, skeletons and monsters, uncaring and guilty, for we should have done something to at least excite Sami. The sense of guilt was just about to engulf me completely, when alkA gave an unorthodox (to us) idea: 'Let's carve a pumpkin!'

What? But my hands are stuck so far up my ass that I couldn't even put a sculpture together if the parts were given to me. And have you seen me draw? Oh, you should see what I draw for Sami - squirrels end up looking like pigs and airplanes - like scarecrows. But what the hell, that was something we'd never done before, so we thought we may as well try it...

And the magic happened! We all sat around the table, looked at some pictures of pumpkins, so we don't end up doing the three triangles and a line, but at least make it a bit more fun. Before we knew it, I was carving away to an extant that I wouldn't let anyone touch my 'work' and Sami was running around all over the place, playing with the carved out pieces on every couch, pillow and wall in the house. Strangely enough, the pumpkin was ready in no time and we all loved it so much, that we needed a second one. Without another pumpkin, we simply did a new face on the old one. The joy of creating something, even as petty as this was enormous. Sami's excitement was an absolute reward and the fact that the three of us were sitting around the table, doing something other than eating was amazing!

But after finishing up the two-faced pumpkin the night was far from over. We turned all lights out and left the room lit only by the spooky but warm light of a candle in a pumpkin and each of us had to tell a scary story. Sami was, of course, first and he made us shiver with the scary story of the big black wolf. Then alkA told us about the old witch and the scary faces she made over the pumpkin seemed to really freak out the poor child, so he had to constantly turn on the light, just to make sure we were who he thought we were. Then, I really liked alkA's trick and decided to tell the story about the devil, who was stealing little kittens to lure naughty kids with them. Unfortunately my attempt to imitate alkA's faces-over-the-pumpkin illustration wasn't as favorable to my eyelashes and eyebrows, but at least making shadows on the ceiling worked out pretty well. So, there we had it. No planning and no preparations. We had our family time and lots of fun. Who knows, next year we may even go trick or treating. But who knows what the times will bring then...

For now the moral of the story is a little saying that alkA and I always say: Doing things - that's love! And I guess, we can add - that's life! The more you let yourself flow down the stream, the less alive you feel and before you know it, your life will be over. So, even when you feel like wasting the day away in oblivion, force yourself. Get up and go for a walk. The rest will come with a bit more persistence. Guarranteed.

Love!
Live!
Do things!

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