A Long Story...Pt.5

7:30am:
Honey, wake up, wake up, wake up! I got a letter! They’ll honor my TOEFL! This is so awesome! I’m sooo excited, wake up, wake up, wake up!

Oh, gosh, that’s awesome news, honey! I’m so glad, but this means that I’ve got a lot of studying to do by myself, so let me finish up my sleep until 9, when I gotta wake up and play dad all day long.

NO! You’re getting up! We’re having coffee together!...

…I sigh and shuffle out of bed, so I can be grumpy and droop over a mug of coffee, risking to have a headache for the rest of the day.

7:29am:
Oh my god, there is so much work to do! Did you write to the professors in the Sofia University? Did you ask them for references? Did you sign up for TOEFL? Did you study? Wake up! You gotta e-mail the University of Manchester and ask them what they’ll need from you!

But, honey, I’ve worked till 1am, I’ve blogged till 3! I need to sleep! Can’t we take care of it after 9?

So that’s how much you care? You don’t wanna do anything yourself! You want me to do EVERYTHING for you? Fine! Go back to sleep.

I twist and turn, feeling like shit for 5 minutes and shuffle downstairs, barely able to keep my eyes open, so I can immediately e-mail my professors for a reference letter.

***

Days went by…lots of communication…lots of research, lots of advices from nice, caring, true friends, professors, and relatives; lots of real studying, taking tests, thinking and dreaming. Those were times when once again we felt alive, when once again we had a plan for a change; a substantial amount of hope and the feeling of “this is the RIGHT thing to do!”.


7:40am:
Wake up, my references came! We need to print them, sign them, scan them, upload them, e-mail them to the university and by the way, Manchester is one of the wettest towns in the UK! You sure you wanna go?
Oh, my god, Ali, in the name of Christ, mother Mary, God, St. Peter, St. Paul, and all the rest of the f-n' saints, including all the prophets and the angels, STOP WAKING ME UP SO EARLY! I need to sleep! We’ll take care of this stuff later today! It doesn’t all have to happen by 8am! Don’t ever wake me up like that again!

***

So, all her paperwork was ready. She had references, they accepted her test scores , she had been working in the psychology field for the past six months, she had been taking classes in a Master's degree in Counseling Psychology here, she was the perfect candidate and she had everything ready, so we submitted her application later that day.

It was a momentous event, one, filled with beautiful, yet mixed emotions: with the push of a button we were really doing it! We were really going to show the world that we cared for our lives! That we didn’t wanna be waiters and stay-at-home moms for the rest of our lives, that it WASN’T our goal to just reproduce and raise an offspring that was gonna reproduce and raise an offspring of waiters and stay-at-home moms! We wanted to make a difference in this world, just like we always had – nonconforming and getting in trouble for expressing our opinions and trying to live like WE had wanted to and not how we were EXPECTED to.
A press of a button and the entire glass castle could shatter to pieces! Or were we really worth it? Were we really as good as to dare dream of a better life, would we really make a difference?

Next day, 7:00am:
Teni, I know you told me not to wake you up this early anymore, but I just wanted to tell you something:

I got accepted!

I love you!

Now go back to sleep.

A Long Story...Pt.4

Our cozy nest had become too small for our souls. The golden twigs weren’t enough to blind us for the beauty of life. Time had come for us to leap out once again and trade comfort for adventure! This would mean a new attempt at flying, so we’d spread our rudimentary wings and do it all over again…but where do we land?

The search was on!

And if you already know me, you’ll know that for me there are three reasons why we live: to love, to experience and to evolve mentally. As simple as that. So, it’s only natural that our ticket out of here would be to wake up our hibernating goal – to go back to the university and get our Master’s and eventually our PhDs…in New Zealand!

And as most brilliant and highly ambitious ideas, this one also ended abruptly. Its short-lived happiness and enthusiasm got suffocated by the low numbers of students, accepted each year, the high prices and the tiny job opportunities.

Panic set in. And as disappointment was creeping up our spines, we were hectically researching Australia, Europe and the Moon. It got to the point where Alex sent me a text message in the middle of my shift, asking me if I’d go to study in Argentina. I said “ok”, except it would be a bit hard for me to understand them when they try to teach me stuff, considering I only know the swear-words in Spanish. Yes, a lot of swear-words, but that doesn’t change much unless I was going to study Freud again.

She got mad at me when she found out I didn’t speak Spanish and let it all go to hell.

Another hope had devastated my life. Another reason why I thought fortune cookies should be forbidden and not given to unfortunate people.

So, anal as I am, I devoted a few days to cleaning the house. Every time I’m upset I get in this insane organizing mode, where you better not be in my way, or I’ll drive you crazy with questions like “will you need this or should I throw it away?”.

Fate, god or just life has its own miraculous ways of guiding you through the darkness when you are lost. Hopefully my vehement religious christian friends aren’t getting too excited here, because I’m not talking about jesus (there is no walking on water involved, nor feeding of the poor with one fish). My biggest pep-peeve is de-cluttering paperwork. Millions of dead trees end up collecting dust in people’s cabinets in the form of saved bills, receipts, pay-checks and un-mailed letters. Amongst ours – this guide for the University of Manchester…

“Honey, you gonna need this, or should I toss it?”

“Toss it!”

But I looked at it and left it on the counter. So, like little worms, alkA’s thoughts started creeping toward that booklet and tickling her imagination. As she sat on the computer, devoting herself to her second full-time job – Facebook – she kept wondering what that booklet said... And just like a light in the darkness, her beautiful fingers wrapped around the pages, her deep brown eyes sank into the pictures of old, Ivy-covered buildings, and before you know it, she was back on the computer, doing her thing.

This time a new sensation engulfed us…everything added up! It all seemed possible! Even we could meet the requirements…well, to some extent. And, surprisingly, Manchester captivated our hearts with the welcoming architecture and classic European spirit…I mean – bars on the streets and people WALKING!

And there we were again – hoping! Counting on lots of work and lots of LUCK! Fucking fortune-cookies! May be, just may be they messed up my head for a reason!

Shoe parking...

I just thought it was kind of funny that I had no room for my work shoes tonight when I got home...the little guy's stealing not only my time, attention and love, but also my shoe spot...before I know it, he'll be parking in my spot!

A time of realization

our time isn't as important anymore. I guess we may have learned to be less selfish...we spent our entire weekend making Sami happy...is that weird? I mean we always used to have fun with our own grown-up stuff only...and look at us now...we're at the playground, accidently kicking little girls in the face on the rides (thank gOD, this girl couldn't deliver the message to her mom!!!! Else, I'd have been in trouble....I didn't mean it, she was in my way when I was chasing Sami off a ride!...Yes, she did have amark on her face...Yes, I do feel terrible!...Yes, life is Unfair!) and having fun of our own. It's strange, but nowadays when Sami's happy, we're extatic :)...Weird parenthood emotions...who would have thought...

Yin and Yang

What's missing in both pictures? You got the answer?

A Long Story...Pt.3

I guess one of the toughest things to figure out is to realize when have you been utterly happy! I’ve always admired the simple true psychological approach to the issue: close your eyes and answer without thinking! In my case, nothing seemed better than my memories of New Zealand! If you read my first writing attempt ever, you’ll see it’s about this magical place! Even if nothing else about the 7 years in Vegas makes sense, at least the trip to New Zealand does.

So, as much as I suck at research, I started checking out Universities, maps, accommodation, jobs and visas about this heaven on Earth! And the more I checked, the more overwhelmed I got. I needed the help of a professional. My decision to keep this from alkA till I have some results didn’t work, because I have never had the right approach to travel. As you probably know, she’s the travel agency, research group and booking company we always use for the plans. Basically, this is how it goes: you mention a country or a trip to her and go to work. When you come back, the “bookmarks” button is bursting with links for tickets, visas, the country’s economy, history, hotels, infrastructure, nature, deals, currency exchange and best resorts. There’s usually a “Lonely Planet” book on the way from Amazon, with all the information about everything and a general guideline written down as a plan, which need be followed for the travel.

So, do you blame me that I asked her to help me with the surprise I had planned…to move my family out of Vegas?

A turning point for me is the thought of being 50-60 years old and looking back, asking myself: did I do everything I wanted to, did I see all the places I wanted to, did I give my family the best I could? And of course, I just knew that being a waiter in Vegas wouldn’t be what I’d be looking for as an answer here.

The journey began with a little walk around our neighborhood, when I told Alex, that this time I’d had enough and I was finally on board for the move! ( she had researched numerous scenarios and countries before, but the economical status of the US never allowed us to act on anything) The bird could not live in the golden cage anymore! It was time to start living!

A Long Story...Pt.2

And as the fireworks blasted away, and I was kissing alkA at midnight,( just as I ALWAYS have for the past 12 years), holding the bottle of Champagne, standing on the edge of the terrace of a high, way high floor of the Palms casino, I caught myself wishing…WISHING!...”may our dream come true”!

But WHAT was our dream? She had this little post-it-note, stuck on her desk 12 years ago, when I met her, which said “You have to know WHAT you want and THAT you want it!”. “What a complex girl”, I thought to myself back then. Who in the world knows what they want? My wish had not come true by the end of the year, because I had no idea what my wish was!

The moment of the beginning of the New Year is ALWAYS magical to me! I have no idea why, but time stops completely until our kiss is over. And during that kiss, while in the middle of the chaos and the never-ending screams and fireworks we drift away, together, alone…completely alone.

So I kissed away and wished away! May our fondest dream come true! May we find what our fondest dream is!

…

The past few months had been so tough for us. 2009 didn’t show any mercy at all! Not only were we brand new parents, which led us to experience THE HARDEST moment of our lives, (something, for which I still haven’t summoned the courage to write and it may take a while till I do), but also we dealt with the horrible economical crisis of Las Vegas, the terrible home remodeling, and alkA had to endure some of the hardest, most relentless stress ever. When all the shit piles up on your shoulders, all you want to do is let go of it in any way possible, so if you need to throw it at your loved one, so be it! And that’s just how unbearable the load of shit had gotten.

…

And the wish came to my mind clear as a day! Make a change in our lives! Save my family! I am the head of that family! It’s up to me to make a change! Vegas was not the place to raise a kid, it was not the place to work; my job was not what I had wanted to do; my education was not where I had wanted to leave it off.

You have to know WHAT you want and THAT you want it!...I knew!

Got Fooled?

Today I:

1. Was awoken by alkA with some of the nicest things she's ever told me early in rhe morning: "Get up to clean shit!" - and when I staggered down the stairs, I saw nothing but a black food bowl on the spot Buddah normally used to do her accidents as a puppy...Fooled!
2. Told alkA it was freezing cold outside, so she'd get extra dressed for the walk, but she cancelled the walk instead....so, I had to give it up and confessed. 1:0 for the wife!
3. We called Nancy (alkA's idea) and told her she should have been at work for safety training already! She bought it and called us back laughing. "You guys are crazy!"
4. I told alkA they called me in to go to work today, on my day off, and she goes:  "It's April Fool's, you got fooled again!" My lie was ruined again!
5. Told Pupa to meet us to meet us for coffee, then told him we weren't going and it had been just a lie - then told him we had lied about lying and still showed up! Hmm...I know, I confused myself here.
6. Told alkA I had lost my wallet, she but laughed at me! Damn it, this woman's a living lie-detector and lie-buster!
7. Asked the baby-sitter why she hasn't come yet! She freaked out, and was then flattered, that we'd honored her without lies!
8. Asked Netza how come he wasn't there, when he invited us over for breakfast.
9. Asked our friends where they were, cause we were waiting infront of their house with food and drinks.

So, what's the score? Alex lied to over TWO people today. I...got caught lying over THREE times!

Good thing I have the easy targets to make me feel good about myself. So, I told Sami I'd teach him how to read today and I didn't. Then I told Buddah I'd take her for a walk and...I didn't.

Yey, I'm now a master liar! And since it's 00:07, I'd better keep my promise to Buddah from last night, cause otherwise tomorrow morning's wake-up-call might be for real ;)

Happy April Fool's everybody!

...Oh, and by the way, I won the lottery today!