New-old Realities

6 Weeks of new and well-forgotten old realities, seeping in my soul to fill in the gaps that have been open for so long. Every past emptiness slowly fills back up again and the vessel shall be full once more.

Some of the old rivers have gone dry and the process is painful. The old "me" tries to show resistance to the demands of this new world, but thankfully there's so much inspiration around, that gives me the urge to keep going.

Walks

Walking around Manchester feels like fitness for the mind!
So much to see, to muse at, to experience, to question!
The amazing buildings, the green green parks, the vivid graffiti, the bars, pubs and coffee shops and the crazy-looking people.
These days once again for some reason I feel like an alien.
I wonder why people look at me, like I don't belong, like I'm not a good match for the beautiful girl I walk with...
aaah...I don't know. Must be my hair.

My Engine

As time progresses and the challenges of life seem ever more pushing, I can't help but come to the idea of "what am I doing?" and "what next?"
It's unfortunate that as carefree as I have always been, I now have to stand up to the true issues of life, which I have resisted for so long.
And yet, again, I am not scared. Am I foolish or just too confident? Or is there ONE and only ONE answer to this question: I am utterly fearless of what's to come, even excited about it! Because I have...

YOU!

I have the love of my life - MY FAMILY!

Remembering to be More...Amazed

The years seem to wash away the brightness of the colors of the simple things.
We tend to search for stronger thrills, for higher adrenalin, for more elaborate designs, and exotic places.
It's that cynicism, that blinds us for the simple things. And there's so much beauty in simplicity!

The ones, who, like my little alkA, gape "wooooooooooooow"-ing at the tiniest details of life, are truly blessed!

It takes me a while, but it's surely amazing to be more...AMAZED!


Here's to the simple things!

Letter to a Friend:

 

Dear friend,


I've been thinking about you. How are you doing lately?
I like our little conversations, even though I am terrible at writing back...I really missed you!
Every now and then, the time comes and here I am. I know, it's a shame that it took me from August to October to write again, but I promise to try and keep in touch more often.

...

Aaaah, we're in the UK! It feels great! The atmosphere of Manchester is so inspiring!
The air, almost always heavy with rain, nice and chilly weather, far, far away from the deserts of Nevada. This apparent gloominess gets swept away with the tiniest rays of the Sun. And they DO show up, from the most unexpected corners of the day, relentlessly looking for loopholes in the clouds, rushing to surprise us with the long shadows on the red brick walls...
and the buildings...

Everything is build hundreds of years ago, these magnificent edifices are covered in moss and poison ivy!
We stroll through the streets and constantly get lost in the secret passages, finding ourselves in the most bizarre places. So much art! In every detail, on every corner. Even the people are art...
There are so many students here, that it feels like that's all the whole town is all about.
and the coffee shops...
cuddled secretly in niches, in the cracks of the buildings even. With barely enough room for a wooden table and two chairs, and a coffee/tea machine.
and the pubs...
people overflowing every place there is, where someone can drink! With their business suits, with their mohawks and skinny jeans, all of them drinking together. If you listen long enough, you may well hear them singing!

...
but I digress...

School started and it's HARD! At the age of 31, I don't find it particularly easy to unravel the hardened knots of my brain and have to use them again. My enthusiasm is there, but I get overwhelmed so easily.

Either way, it's for a good reason. Hopefully, like you say, we are now on the right path to self-fulfilment!
I love that expression - that life is a journey and not a destination! I keep reminding this to myself!
And as for now, this journey feels tremendous! I feel right where I want to be! And I LOVE it!

And Sami! Sami is also doing great! He's back in Bulgaria with the grandparents, at least until we get everything squared away here.
He's almost two and such a powerful and fascinating boy! There is so much LIFE in him! We'll go see him in a couple of weeks. But then again, we're on Skype every morning and afternoon, singing,
talking and playing... We miss him so much! He doesn't seem to care we're away and always has the biggest smile, melting our hearts away!

The summer in Bulgaria was so amazing! I'll have to write you a whole different letter about it!

As for now, I'll say "Good night" and, please, take care of yourself!

All the best!

Stoyan

DA DAY!

Tis da day!


The day of liberation!

The day of end of serving!

The day of the end of WAITING! Or at least doing it only for a  living. If I ever wait tables again, it will only be WHILE I'm studying...but hopefully even then I can be a librarian instead.

There's gratitude in my heart, of course, for without this job I wouldn't have been able to see half of the world, to live for once in my life, not having to worry about the daily bread.
Wow,wait till you hear how it all ends!

Standing on the edge of two worlds. Both equally attractive and scary.
5 days, 8 hrs and 10 minutes before take-off. Take off from our safe nest!
The bittersweet feelings are pouring in....may be more bitter than sweet.

It seems like the older you get, the harder it is to make a change. And for this one thing we are so excited!

It's time to start the evolution!

loss

There is no adequate way to react to loss. There is no way I can think of to help you, but I'm here for you if you need me, my dear!

Shedding Skins

Like peeling an onion, shedding skin after skin, after skin we strip our lives down to the minimum. We reduce and concentrate, until nothing but the core is left. And it's not a soft, tender core, but rather a strong, resilient essence of who we really are!

It all started with the "beginning of the end", when we gave away a member of our family. After that, we found ourselves in such a whirlpool of shaving excess, that to this moment, we're still rolling down "simplicity" hill and finding the greatest pleasure of live in not POSSESSING! 

As soon as we found out that we were moving out of the US, the grain of change planted deep into the core  of our fortress of material possessions and started devouring the foundation of what we used to perceive as security. Barely anything, ever made the cut anymore. We could strip it all to the bone and contrary to our expectations, live seemed brighter than before.

And now, a time for a cliche: "What you possess, possesses you!"

(Slogans, as I've written before, are far removed from our daily reality. With their blatant idealism, they seem to frustrate our everyday live and trow us out of balance. The truth, however, is that our balance is based on falseness and the smallest glimpse of the truth, is sometimes capable of shattering the illusion.)

So, the more we shaved, the closer to ourselves we felt. You may remember when I wrote you that we traded our "TV for a fireplace". One of the more surprising things was that after we shipped 400 kilos, or 880 pounds of stuff to Bulgaria,...we didn't care if it would sink deep into the Atlantic. Because we just found out that we were doing just fine without it.

The only thing - the symbolism of our "style" - was what we missed a bit. Every piece of furniture, every ornament, every piece of art, was torn from our hearts. Our family stance, our comfort zone was going away too. For we are FAR from perfect, and the attachment to our things remained. As I delve in it now, I find it to be nothing but fear and insecurity. Those feelings go away as soon as you find your own self underneath the artifacts.

Possibly most painful of all will be the moment, when after two weeks we'll step out of the door of our home and say "goodbye!" Goodbye to the place we became FAMILY in! Goodbye to the nest, the retreat, the solid ground. And we'll fly. Freer? Happier? I don't know. Is our happiness locked within those four walls though? I doubt it. Well, our privacy and security definitely are part of our happiness, but I think they are just pillars, holding up the illusion of comfort, when all we need is its ABSENCE, so we can strive to grow. 

So, here we are: in an empty house, with fuller hearts! Our minds, excited by the fact that we feel so comfortable in a place with nothing but a bed, a couch, a fridge, a stove, a lap-top and a bunch of toys (cause Sami hasn't gotten to the point of philosophical realizations that we have and still loves his toys) !

Stripping down the layers....

It's like loads of weight come off our shoulders. It's liberating, it's cathartic, it's surprising. Like Benjamin Button, we're going back to our roots. To what really matters:

Love, Family, Growth! 

FOREVER!

Skaaaaaaaate!

It was high time! I wonder why we waited for so long? Sami is like 20 months old already and we finally catch him up with time. He's has a cell-phone for a while now, but I finally decided it was time for the more important inventions in life!


It was time daddy got him a "keeeeeeiiiiit" (skate)!

So, we jumped on the car and drove down the street in the endless "music" of the word "keeeit, keeeeeit..." being shouted from the backseat-driver!

And we got one!

Then at home, daddy decided to show him how it's done and.....broke it!

Alex gave me the hardest time, even though Sami never understood that it wasn't ok to skate with just the two wheels...

Thank god for the American system of returns! Today we went back to the store and exchanged it for a brand new one!

Here's the result:

A natural!

Bada! Bada! Bada!

In the sweltering heat of Vegas there's nothing like chilling with dad at the kiddie-sprinkle-playground joint! Of course, I'm still afraid of this water here, cause it's too out of control, but check out how I teach dad to swim in the pool!

And I gotta be honest, ever since I found out about this pool thing, I don't give them a break! All I talk about is "bada, bada, bada!!!" (water, water, water)

Happy 4th of July, A.K.A. Turkey Day!

Fireworks and turkey make me sleepy!