The End is the Beginning, is the End

Peeling layers of our life, stripping flesh from bones until we feel again! Until our hearts are exposed and vulnerable, sensitive even to the slightest whiff of the wind! At some spots there's a crust of dead and calloused skin, but others are already paper-thin and painful to the touch.

That’s what our life became since we made the firm decision to leave the comfort of our first true HOME, the security of old habits and the drive for homeostasis. Awoken by our own dreams, we felt that once more it was time to leave the nest and fly away. Back across the ocean, this time on an island. The land of the old knights and lords…

“The end is the beginning, is the end”

And so, slowly and steadily we shed skin, after skin, after skin…discarding furniture, comfort, habits, and more. Some feel like having gotten rid of a bag of rocks, that’s been dragging us by the throats to the bottom. Piles of useless items and people - unnecessary fillers to a meaningless monotony. But others hurt like pulling band aid and tearing hair, skin and flesh from yourself.

A part of all three of our hearts will stay behind forever, now that Buddah moved on to better ventures…our four member family has shrunk and the emptiness is much stronger than I had imagined. As we gave her hugs and kisses goodbye today, and waved at her, while Sami casually and joyfully yelled his “Tao-tao” (byy-bye), I couldn’t stop the lump from climbing to the top of my throat, choking me with tears. And as my good friend pulled away with his car, to venture out on a new journey, involving Buddah, him, California, skateboarding, beach, and the humidity of the Pacific, I wished I could have made better plans, I wished life could have been more fair to us and I wished that this would be the last time we’d have to lose a family member!

The stupid feeling of going home to the complete silence, where no one snores, farts and awaits lazily to be taken out for a one-minute walk engulfed me with pain and confusion. My feelings fight my logic, which tries to rationalize everything and explain to my confused brain how it’s going to be so much better for her, not to get tortured by a little rascal, who tries to poke her eyes out and walk over her, but also who shares his water from his own bottle and lets her bite a piece off his own apple. Because we knew, he loves her too. And…I hope not…but in this tiny little heart, something might be missing for a while. It’ll all go away, for Sami, but for us it will be there until the scar covers it. And I just hope that she’ll find tons of fun and comfort to fill her emptiness, or better yet, I hope she never loved us…but I doubt it.

Farewell, my girl! Keep bringing joy to those around you. Keep being more human than most people and forget us! May be we never deserved you in the first place.

We love you, Buddah!