I'm only left with ONE day of my twenties. One day of the decade of youth. Enter - boring adulthood, knocking on the door of midlife crisis.
Thirty is a serious number. Not yet with a foot in the grave, but at least looking at my options for a cemetery in a nice neighborhood, no kids playing around, to disturb my peace and hopefully close enough to some relatives, so they don't have to commute for hours to water my flowers and forget about me.
All jokes aside, here are my two equally strong, equally valid feelings, living next to each other, as if they don't completely deny one another:
Number one: Thirty fucking years! How the hell did I let myself get this old without having ANY idea how I'm planning to live my life? I mean, it's like 25% over and I still haven't decided what to do with it. (you may notice that this side of me has decided that I'll live to be 120 years old, due to blooming medicine and because the 120 are the new 110!)
If you feel balanced within your life, and at pure peace with what you do, that's what you should do, right? So, my center of the universe is as follows: family vacations one after another, after another - often in new parts of the world - lots of amazing food, wine and beer; tons of music experiences like concerts and those musical orgasms that you feel when the MAX volume on your stereo is not enough to even out the goosebumps on your whole body; spiritual development through reading and realization; psychological career where I can SEE the actual results of my work as helping people, or controlling them; writing the coolest book about everyday life ever and leaving a mark on this pretentious Earth.
So, my result as a dream job is something between a writer, musician, travel guide writer and a bum. Hmm...how exactly does my waiting tables relate to that? Let's see.
But that IS the unsatisfied part of me.
Here comes Number two: Finally at thirty! Out of the age of insecurity, immaturity and puberty! (Because guess what, if the 30's are the new 20's, then the 20's are the new teens, know what I'm saying?) And there are a few things I really scored with so far! It's a crisis if you look back and you say: "My life sucked till now! I wasted it away." And if you ask me, you know what I'd say? I have the most beautiful, amazing and magical life I could ever even dream of!
My life is woven with Love! I have the most awesomest and beautifulest wife in the world, a wife, who gives me the pleasure of everyday joy throughout the routines! I have the bravest, cutest little boy, who gives me more and more joy and love each day! I HAVE A FAMILY! I have seen amazing places in the world, and have some of the truest friends! I have an American and an European citizenship, so I can pretty much roam around the world without a visa (something I have't even dreamed of as a kid in my old communist Bulgaria)And...I have a brain, to pull myself out of what I dislike! I even have a funny bat-like, chinchilla-like, ewok-like dog that skateboards; the craziest CD collection and...my blog!
I am blessed and happy as hell!
What dichotomy am I even talking about? I guess old age has made me less consistent too :)
30's, here I come!
2 comments:
Just remember age is just a number. It seems for us a few years ago we had it all....all the material things, all the money. And, now a few years older...we have less and are so much happier!!! Life has a weird way of teaching you whats important...and its definitely not age! Happy Birthday...I wish was there to celebrate with you! Make sure you have at least 1 GREAT bottle of wine!
btw i really love that picture of you all !!!!! You just look truly so happy!!!!
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