What Koibito has to do with my blog? Everything! This is the essence of my life and experience for the past six years. This is what I’ve woven in the title of my blog – this is the Fish-man! A fish, out of the sea, limping on one leg, gasping for air! That’s me. Far from home in a foreign country, forever changed by the sweetness of the forbidden fruit.
It burns my heart to admit how far from home and yet – at home I feel here. How strange and foreign and yet familiar and logical everything is to me. Torn between the memories of friends, fun and a different kind of freedom, mixed with deprivations, disappointments and pain on one hand, and the utter loneliness and meaninglessness of this place, mixed with order, logic and comfort on the other. That’s how I live my life every day! Should I stay or should I go?
Had Bulgaria not disappointed us so deeply the last time we were there, I’d have no doubt in my mind that it would be our destination and destiny. But unfortunately, after all these years of yearning to go back, our 2007 trip “home” only drove us further from it. And yet we had our friends and the good old places, where we had strolled together for endless hours. The friends meant so much to us! But would they still be there if we went back?
The Bulgarians say: “Between two chairs – you end up on the ground”. I wonder every day if the “Green card” was a blessing or a curse! The answer – not yet found.
The fate of the emigrant – lost between dimensions. Always looking at the other side and thinking of the green grass. If only there was s place to call home…
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